Halloween is in two days, and frankly, I don’t care. Yes, that’s right. My heart isn’t in it this year. Anyone who knows me knows that for as long as I can remember, Halloween is my favorite holiday, or is that was? I don’t know myself. I suppose I will know years from now.
What’s changed?
Let’s see. What’s changed. First, I now live in a fifty-five and up community. No one comes to the house for trick-or-treating. Only a few houses in my neighborhood decorate anything to do with the holiday. When they do, is a set of string lights and a pumpkin, which wasn’t carved into a jack-o’-lantern. How sad is that?
I was reviewing my headache log this morning. Yes, I maintain a headache log. Periodically, my doctors review it to help them decide on the next course of action. I can’t believe what the numbers show.
Back in February, my numbers were very manageable; ones and twos. Oh, and in case you don’t realize it, I’ve never seen a zero since suffering my concussion almost six years ago. Can you believe it?
Heachache Log for March 2021
Then, during the end of the first week of March, they started climbing. By the end of the second week, they climbed to really high numbers. I started seeing sevens and eights. They’ve been like that ever since. For seven weeks I suffered in ways that I am tired of, and I can’t stand it much. I get up in the morning doing the job that pays for my food and roof over my head, go home, and collapse on my sofa, overwhelmed by the conflict in my head. Sometimes, the levels dip into nine, just one point short of the worst ever. Occasionally, I’ve also felt nauseous with auras. Isn’t that a sign of a migraine?
Bitching?
Now, I know this sounds like I’m bitching. I know others have it worse off than I do. That doesn’t change the way I feel. I’m frustrated, tired, and angry. However, I will not get depressed over the situation. I won’t let that happen. I get up every day and face the world, determined that it will be a better day.
What’s worse, is that I can’t stimulate my creative juices to write. Sorry, folks, I have written little in the last couple of weeks. All I can do are the routine things at work and collapse when I get home. A few of my readers contacted me after my last blog entry, suggesting various things, including checking into out-of-town clinics specializing in my condition. I’ve looked into it. I’m intrigued.
To compensate for the battle going on in my head, I’ve done several things. One is I have a new neurologist. He’s on the younger side but supervised by an older neurologist I’ve been seeing for the last year for a second opinion. He’s got some new ideas and I’m on new medication.
Medical Marijuana
But that’s not all. In my state, marijuana is only legal for medical purposes, although that is changing as I write this. Yes, I have my medical marijuana card prescribed by my doctor in case you wondered. I had a small supply left over from last year. It worked for a couple of months and then stopped being ineffective. I stopped using it.
One day, when I was really bad, I took it. Within hours, I felt a change. While it did not lower the value, I felt the marijuana encapsulated the pain behind an unbreakable shield. Think of a snow globe and the pain inside, moving about, trying to get out. Stuck behind a force field, I felt better, functioning at a level I hadn’t seen in a month.
Going back to the dispensary, I bought more. I can’t believe it, the weed is helping. I wish it would work more consistently, but alas, even my doctors tell me I am a special case. Fuck, don’t they realize patients hate to hear that? Still, I’m determined to fight, which brings me to the next thing I did.
Cefaly
I hate taking pills. They screw with the body’s chemistry, although I realize that in this case, it’s necessary. He also suggested a device that reminded me of something right out of Star Trek. If you’ve seen the movie Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home, Dr. McCoy uses a device on Chekov to repair a subdural hematoma. While I don’t have that condition, thank Gaia, I looked into it. After reviewing it with my Primary Care Physician (PCP), I tried it. It’s not covered by insurance, but at this stage, I don’t care. It’s got a sixty day unconditional return policy for full refund. What have I got to lose? I’m trying it.
It’s from a company called Cefaly and it is noninvasive and doesn’t screw with my body chemistry. It works a lot like a Tens Unit, it’s a self-contained unit without wires. You put a pad on your head and magnetically place the device on it. The sensations are exactly like a Tens Unit. Electrical impulses get injected into the flesh on my face and over the course of the treatment, move in easily recognizable patterns. Sometimes they go side to side, other times in circles, and, well, you get the idea. Treatments last between twenty to sixty minutes.
I’ve just started with it, and the results are mixed. They designed the Cefaly for migraines. My doctors tell me my headaches are not migraines, but my headache log of late tells a different story. What I can say is that it seems to help.
Progress Made, and still updating my headache log.
That’s where I stand right now. I’ve haven’t had the drive or energy to write, even with this blog. I hate resting for half of my waking day and then going to bed. All this sitting and lying down is driving me crazy and making my body ache. I force myself to do my best to take part in life, going to work, the grocery stores, and meeting friends. But there’s nothing creative going on. Until now.
For the past week, I’m at a three or four, which is manageable on the creative front. For one, I’m writing this blog entry. Wow, last weekend, writing one was the farthest from my mind. I am also trying to get back into Avril’s story and write more chapters. I know exactly what I want to do for the next few chapters. It’s getting my mind clear enough to write it down. I’m determined to live, laugh, fuck, smile, and be a part of the world around me.
I still need to get back to the ones and twos. I zero would be nice too! Knock on wood. I’m getting back to writing, adding another book to the Consortium Series.
This is Richard Verry recovering from a terrible month and a half, determined to find out what happens to Avril and her predicament. Talk to you soon. Have a great day and a better one tomorrow.
What an impressive start to Infiltration, book 4 in the #Consortium series. I’m impressed. Thank you fans and readers. It’s been a few weeks since I last wrote, and a lot has happened since then. With no additional fluff, here we go.
Book 5 News
Woman in words 2 by JuanOsborne
I’ve written several chapters for book #5, the follow-up book of Infiltration as yet unnamed, and it is off to a good start too. In chatting with my muses, I’ve heard comments like, “Oh, this is getting exciting!”
I am excited to get deeper into the story. Like #Infiltration, my writing is off to an impressive start. So much is going on, that I sometimes lose track of where I am, as the ideas of scenes keep popping into my mind. I have several I want to do, but have yet to write them, or even know where in the story I should put them. I know we are all used to chronological order in our stories, but maybe this time, I need to use a couple of my ideas in flashbacks. What I know is that these ideas are perfect for the story, and they all fit right in with the development of the characters and the plot.
Yes, I am excited by the way this book is turning out so far. I can’t wait to see how it develops. I know you, my readers, are also thinking the same thing.
Other News
Of course, I’ve suffered a setback of sorts. A little over two weeks ago, my #concussion related 24x7x365 #headache that started almost five years ago asserted itself. I went 16 days with a constant #migraine level headache, yes, I used singular form on purpose. It is/was all one event lasting for way too long that never let up. As a result, I could barely do my regular job that keeps the roof over my head, and as soon as I got home, I’d collapse and rest, nap, and finally go to bed. Somewhere in there, I’d eat a little, but beyond that, I could do nothing else. I was completely and utterly worn out from dealing with the headache.
Today, I finally have a bit of relief. It’s down in the 4-5 range which is manageable. I’m really tired of the 6-8 range. It might be because of a change in medication, using something that is more potent than I’ve ever used before. Don’t worry, it’s not addictive. While I have some of that addictive stuff in the house, I refuse to use it, knowing how dangerous it is, refusing to fall into that trap. I’m also concerned with the amount of over-the-counter analgesics I’ve taken. I don’t want that stuff to mess with my kidneys, liver, or other vital organs. Besides, they did little to help.
So I am working through the issue and hope to get a lot of writing done starting today.
Spring has sprung?
On the positive note, it looks like Spring arrived in my part of the world. Temperatures fluctuate wildly, but there have been enough warm days lately that I’ve seen bare legs and flip-flops on people of all ages and types. The sun shines a lot more too, which doesn’t help the headache, but helps with my mood.
Thanks for reading this article. I know it feels more like a journal entry, but I wanted you, my readers, to know that I am on top of things, and recognize your thirst for more of Avril and Sir’s story. You know what? Like me, you’re all a bloodthirsty lot. Thank you.
Weeks ago, after I published my last book, ‘UnderCurrents,’ I started writing a blog on Sir, the main antagonist in my Consortium books. I intended it to be a short synopsis of the character addressing the question. What makes him tick? Before I knew it, it was over two thousand words long, much too long to use as a blog entry.
I decided to create a page on my site dedicated to this character. After all, his victim and primary interest in the books, Avril has a page. Before long, I added another couple of hundred words to his biography, and I’ve only touched the surface of this complicated and intriguing character. Which means, it needs editing and sifting just as what happens when I write a new story. What am I, a glutton for punishment? Don’t answer that. Still in rough draft form, and the bio needing more work, I ran into a health issue. more “Sir and the fire drill”…
Wow, it’s been a month since I last wrote to you. Where has the time flown? A lot has happened, so let’s get right to it.
In my last entry, I wrote about my Daith Piercing. I got it to help deal with my chronic headache. While I tried to stay realistic and hope for the best and pray that it would help with my headaches, unfortunately, they persist. On the surface, the jewelry in my ear is not helping. However, I like it so it will stay. more “Botox plus Daith Piercing”…
Okay, it’s official. I’m miserable. I feel broken. Do you know when you see someone for the first time in a day, the usually greet you with “Hi! How are you?” You know they are expecting the answer “Fine.”
I can’t say it anymore. I just can’t. I finally came up with an appropriate response. “I’m miserable.”
“What? Oh, how come?” they respond with the obvious.
In my head, I’m thinking “Oh, shit. Not fucking again.” I want to scream at them and say “Duh!”
What I do say is “You know, it’s this thing that is constantly going on.” pointing to my head.
“Did they forget from yesterday? It’s the same shit every day, only everyday is a bit worse.” I’m thinking. Please stop asking “How are you.” I’d rather hear “Are you okay?”
I’ve relapsed and the pain in my skull is the worse I’ve ever felt since this all started. It feels like a crushing hand griping my entire skull and squeezing. Everything else seems to have resolved but the headaches? No. It’s almost as of my brain is saying in the only way it knows how. “Enough is enough already? Stop trying to fix me.” It’s true. Before my relapse, I was pushing hard to increase stimuli and repair the broken synapses in my brain. I guess I pushed too hard. The worse part? I thought I was about to resolve it all and return to normal. Shit!
For the first time in my life, I feel like I’m suffering. Oh yes, I am well aware that there are others all across the world suffering greater hardships and dealing with painful, even deadly situations. I get that. I really do. I feel for them and if I had it in my power to ease their suffering, I would. I do when I can, but it will never be enough.
However, I’m in pain. Each and every day. Some are worse than others, but over the past four weeks, my headaches have reached new heights. Most days, I’m barely making it through work, then on to an injury related appointment, be it physical therapy, counseling, doctor, or yet another damn assessment or test.
After that, I arrive home wiped out, depleted, and a mess. I lie down in bed, resting, often with my loving girlfriend lying next to me, trying to comfort me but honestly not knowing how. The fact that she is there, right there next to me, touching me, is comforting. Thank you hon. You may never truly understand how much you help simply by lying next to me, but trust me, it is a welcome respite from the painful crushing headache, if however brief.
I know I’m needy right now. I will not apologize for that. I need her more than ever, and I know she is just as frustrated with our lives right now as I am. I say this. Thank you, my love, for trying, and I beg forgiveness when impatience lashes out. I understand, even it takes a day or so to realize it.
I’m a mess and I know it. Thankfully, I do speak to a counselor, though these days, it’s more like venting and screaming the words that I can’t say anywhere else. That’s the thing. I keep so much bottled up inside because it’s just not right to vent to my girlfriend, coworkers and friends. They understand but there would be consequences to venting to them. I could lose my job, lose my friends and the worse would be isolation from my loving girlfriend who is the center of my world.
As for all my friends, family, and acquaintances, I have received your kind words, your reaching out to say, “I’m thinking of you.” et. all. They make me smile, and I plan on reaching back, especially in your time of need.
In the meantime, instead of making it through one day at a time, I’m working on making it one minute at a time. Now, if I can only just finish up my book and submit it for publishing, damn, I’m so far behind. I just know that I have to get these polishing touches just right. Not the story mind you. That’s done and put to bed. It’s all the blurbs, cover art, book categorizing, and a bunch of other things that can make a book a success or failure. You indie-publishers all know what I am talking about, it just has to be perfect from the onset. Then there is the guy who want’s to help publicize my work if I cooperate and help publicize his work. I’m excited at the prospect. I just can’t get the motivation going to do anything but survive right now.
Now, back to resting and sleeping. Thankfully it’s the weekend where I can get a break from the past week … maybe.
Till next time, I wish you a good day and a better tomorrow. I think about you, my fans, often and I look forward to the day where I can get back to normal. (Though, my girlfriend will be the first one to tell you, I’m not normal. I smile and say “Thank you, love.”)
Apologies all. I know I have been quiet lately. I had a relapse with my post concussion shit and my headaches reached new heights over the last three weeks. For the first time in my life, I truly feel like I am suffering.
I have been working hard over the past couple of months to increase the level of stimuli to my brain, in order to force it to repair the damaged nerve connections. It’s been working and I am progressing. I just think that my brain finally said ‘enough is enough. Give me a break already’ in the only way it knew how. By beating the shit out of me and intensive my headaches to new levels.
A nerve block into the back of my skull and plenty of rest (i.e., doing nothing but sleeping and parking myself in my recliner) seems to be helping. BTW, two needles into the back of my head was not my first choice. The burning and shooting pain that came with it almost took me down all together.
Add into the mix the numerous emotions as a result, and I was barely able to do much beyond my mandatory responsibilities. Yes, I’m not going to list all of the emotions I had to deal with over the past two weeks. I’ve made my girlfriend suffer enough as it was.
So while I have a few moments of clarity, I’m writing to you to let you know that I am thinking of all of you. I plan on continuing my regime of rest today, hoping that by tomorrow, I can start the work week off and not crash by mid-afternoon.
I’ll write when I can. And, I am oh so close to releasing my latest book, ‘The Trafficking Consortium.’ That’s first on my agenda when I can spend quality time on it. Stay tuned. Thanks for your understanding.
I trust that all is well with you and that you survived New Years. I did, but it was not one of the favorite evenings in my lifetime. First, staying up to midnight was an arduous task. Fortunately, a game of dominos helped a lot. Since my concussion, I haven’t been up that late, which is now in the sixth month.
The injury also left me extremely sensitive to sensory items, such as sound, sight, and smells. That is, more “Good morning one and all”…
Good Morning. I trust everyone is recovering nicely from the festivities of last weekend. You’d better, as the New Year is this coming weekend. Are you hosting or going to a party to celebrate the passing of 2016 (good riddance) and the arrival of 2017? I plan too, but as of yet, I haven’t finalized my plans. I’m sure we’ll figure it out. And if you’re like me, and occasionally skip the party for a quiet evening at home, with or without a loved one, then I say, sounds like a great plan.
I had planned on writing this post yesterday. What kept me? Good question.
As most of you know, I suffered a severe concussion over the summer. I’ve been dealing with the after-effects ever since. I still suffer from short-term memory loss and an infrequent but consistent inability to form coherent sentences. I start therapy for that the middle of January for that.
Most concerning to me is my constant headaches. There hasn’t been a day when I have been without one since July. It sucks, and I am at a loss. My neurologist has stepped up my prescriptions in which I have to increase the dosage week-by-week gradually. I won’t be at full dosage until the end of January. But that isn’t why I failed to write to you yesterday.
I’m now in physical therapy. I have sessions twice a week. Yesterday was the first after the holiday. I go to PT with the expectation that they will beat me up and I need to rest when I get home. Yesterday, man did they ever beat me up. I never thought forty-five minutes of any activity would be so excruciating and so debilitating afterward.
When I got home after yesterday’s PT, I was exhausted, in pain, and my headache climbed a few notches. Hey, isn’t PT suppose to reduce my headaches? Well, that’s what I hope for, but at this early stage, it is far more likely that I will continue experience yesterday’s result for the near future. So, I’m walking in the door, the house is quiet, and my loving girlfriend is still asleep. I grabbed several glasses of water and gulped them down. Then I made a cup of coffee and while that was brewing, drank another glass of water.
When the coffee was ready, I plopped down in my recliner where I spent much of the day. I never felt so physically tired after just forty-five minutes. It’s as if I worked a construction site, or a factory floor, for ten hours. I was mentally and physically fatigued. What the hell is up with that, anyway?
After a mid-afternoon nap, a quiet evening, and a good night’s sleep, I feel much better. Despite still having my headache. Damn, when will I ever get relief?
Care to share your stories? I’ll be happy to read, and if you like, I’ll publish them. Till next time, I’m back to writing and enjoying the season. I hope you have a great day and a better tomorrow.
The world still exists, and I am recovering from hosting a number of people for the holiday feast. As Dr. Seuss wrote, we served roast beast, au gratin potatoes, green beans and a broccoli cheese casserole.
For desert, we served a wide array of strawberry rhubarb pie, cannolis, cheese puffs and the annual traditional rum cake. Oh, and let’s not forget the numerous bottles of wine and spirits consumed.
Cheesy Eddie’s, Rochester NY, USA
For me the best of all was the local and best cheesecake I’ve ever tasted from Cheesy Eddie’s. I love their cheesecakes, especially the perfect New York style. My belly hurts just thinking about it all.
They tell me that the roast beast was cooked to perfection. It’s amazing what you can do if you have a great recipe from the butcher shop and an accurate thermometer. Hint: virgin olive oil, garlic, salt, pepper and fresh thyme lovingly rubbed into the meat before cooking. I think it was the thyme that made the difference. Delish.
Everyone had a great time and I even heard comments like ‘this is my favorite party,’ ‘looking forward to coming back next year,’ and so forth. Warms my heart though I always look forward to bedding down afterwards and sleeping in the next day. Ah! That’s today.
Despite the chaos and cacophony of loud conversations, I managed to survived to the day after Christmas without too much trouble. Of course, for awhile and in order to stem the growing concussion migraine headache I’ve lived with for the past five months, I had to wear dark glasses and ear plugs at times to soften the assault to my brain. Fortunately, I kept it in check and even managed a couple of glasses of red wine.
Chillin’
Today is recovery day. My girlfriend and I are just chilling, taking it easy. Whew! We had a great time but I’m glad it’s over.
Chilling out and relaxing is giving me a chance to read my new novel on my eBook reader (my phone) as if I am an ordinary reader. So far, so good. There are probably a couple of very minor edits I will do. I’m marking them as I read. When I finish the novel, I’ll incorporate them into a second edition of the book.
I must say, I’m very pleased with the way the book turned out. I love the story, and regardless of the circumstances of the main characters, there is budding romance that came about entirely by accident. It is not in the nature of either character to see the other with warm, compassion, and love, yet, each character’s heart softens to the other as the story unfolds. Of course, with any good story, you’ll need to read the book to see whether their romance flourishes or explodes.
Sure, it’s gritty and disturbing, even horrific at times but it’s also a gripping story that keeps you connected to the end. Afterall, a good story needs conflict, drama, and suspense to keep you riveted to the story. Give me a week, and I’ll upload the second edition. I’m sure you’ll like it.
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays everyone. I’m looking forward to a better 2017.
I hate taking pills. They screw with the body’s chemistry, although I realize that in this case, it’s necessary. He also suggested a device that reminded me of something right out of Star Trek. If you’ve seen the movie Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home, Dr. McCoy uses a device on Chekov to repair a subdural hematoma. While I don’t have that condition, thank Gaia, I looked into it. After reviewing it with my Primary Care Physician (PCP), I tried it. It’s not covered by insurance, but at this stage, I don’t care. It’s got a sixty day unconditional return policy for full refund. What have I got to lose? I’m trying it.
I have been working hard over the past couple of months to increase the level of stimuli to my brain, in order to force it to repair the damaged nerve connections. It’s been working and I am progressing. I just think that my brain finally said ‘enough is enough. Give me a break already’ in the only way it knew how. By beating the shit out of me and intensive my headaches to new levels.
