Writing My Ass Off

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Writing My Ass Off

Writing my Ass Off

It’s true. I’ve been writing my ass off. But what does that mean? It means that I’ve been working on finishing Book 6 in the Consortium Series. I wrote at every opportunity and every weekend for two months. I got so into the story that I needed to find out how it ended. Therefore, writing my ass off to finish this book was very fulfilling.

Throughout this period, I kept thinking of you, my loyal readers. I wanted to update you on my progress. However, I got so involved with the story I figured you would forgive me. 

But I know you want to see where this comment is leading. Yesterday, I finished the draft of the book, and now it is off to editing. Yeah!!!!

Consortium Series
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Coffeegasm

Coffeegasm

Coffeegasm

Last week, my girlfriend gave me a refrigerator magnet with the definition for Coffeegasm written on it. I had never heard the word before, nor the meaning. Still, I loved the gift. Without a doubt, it’s me.

The definition reads.
Coffeegasm {noun}: that little rush you feel after the first sip of good, strong coffee.

CoffeegasmIt’s not a real word but so what. It’s an accurate depiction of what I feel when I take that first sip of coffee.

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Writing during a Holiday Season

A Quick Update

Good day to you all, I’ve missed you. Writing during a holiday season is a challenge for sure. However, I can tell you that all of you, my readers, fans, friends and family alike, I think of you frequently day after day.

We came out of a four-day holiday in November, and I put it to good use, writing several chapters in my latest book, the sequel to ‘Perfect Prey,’ book 2 in the Consortium series. I’m excited about how this book is shaping up. Read More

Daydreamer and a Night Thinker

Daydreamer - nightthinker

Daydreamer Night Thinker

Hello, my readers and fans of my books, I’m going to write about being a daydreamer night thinker. But first, I have to say this. I’ve been thinking about you a lot, knowing that I haven’t reached out to you lately. I’m sorry about that. I could tell you several reasons why but really, do you care? I doubt it. Besides still recovering from the holidays, dealing with my post-concussion syndrome (yes, it’s still an issue), and other things, I have been working hard on finishing up the sequel to ‘The Trafficking Consortium.’ I have maybe four or so chapters to write in the first draft.The Trafficking Consortium

Of course, you writers out there know that a book doesn’t stop there. The author must go through it many times cleaning up action sequences, dialog, inconsistencies, and basic grammar. Then, it’s off to an independent editor who will do it all again, shredding it and putting it back together. While that is going on, it’s getting your beta readers to read it and give you feedback. Once done, then it’s on to formatting the manuscript into something suitable for submission. It all takes time. Anyhoo, I’m working hard, and hopefully, I can finish the first draft this month. Knock on wood.

Daydreamer and a Night Thinker

My incredible girlfriend, patient as she is (not), supports my writing efforts and looks for ways to help me when she can. Over the years, she has heard the stories of how I wake up in the wee hours of the morning, dreaming up dialog and scenes to incorporate into my stories. She also is well aware of the imagery that flows through my head during the day, as I try them out on her or when they end up on my canvas or drawing pad.

Daydreamer Night Thinker

She found and gifted me for Christmas a pillow that has the phrase, “I’m a daydreamer and a night thinker” on it. How appropriate.

This is precisely who I am. By day, I’m the mild manner daydreamer, dreaming up stories, scenarios, and images that I can incorporate into my writing and painting. At night, I’m a night thinker. In my half away, half-asleep state, I write dialog in my head, fitting it into the scenes I daydreamed about over the past.

The pillow sits on my bed after I make it in the morning, and when I am asleep, it sits next to me on the floor where I can see it when reflecting upon my storylines in the middle of the night.

Honey, I love the sentiment and the journey it took to come to me. Thank you.

While I’m in a thanking mood, thank you also to my beta readers, and my friends that encourage and otherwise support me.

p.s.

Of course, while I was searching for an appropriate image, I discovered that this phrase is used quite commonly across the globe. Of course, in my little corner of the world, I had never come across it. Damn, now I have to be careful I don’t plagiarize someone. I hope I got it right. You’ll forgive me if didn’t. Right?

Of course, check out my companion site, maggicalexpressions.wordpress.com where I display my visual representations of my daydreaming night thinking turned into reality.

 

I’m Miserable

Misery

I’m miserable

Okay, it’s official. I’m miserable. I feel broken. Do you know when you see someone for the first time in a day, the usually greet you with “Hi! How are you?” You know they are expecting the answer “Fine.”

I can’t say it anymore. I just can’t. I finally came up with an appropriate response. “I’m miserable.”

“What? Oh, how come?” they respond with the obvious.

In my head, I’m thinking “Oh, shit. Not fucking again.” I want to scream at them and say “Duh!”

What I do say is “You know, it’s this thing that is constantly going on.” pointing to my head.

“Did they forget from yesterday? It’s the same shit every day, only everyday is a bit worse.” I’m thinking. Please stop asking “How are you.” I’d rather hear “Are you okay?”

miserable, in painI’ve relapsed and the pain in my skull is the worse I’ve ever felt since this all started. It feels like a crushing hand griping my entire skull and squeezing. Everything else seems to have resolved but the headaches? No. It’s almost as of my brain is saying in the only way it knows how. “Enough is enough already? Stop trying to fix me.” It’s true. Before my relapse, I was pushing hard to increase stimuli and repair the broken synapses in my brain. I guess I pushed too hard. The worse part? I thought I was about to resolve it all and return to normal. Shit!

For the first time in my life, I feel like I’m suffering. Oh yes, I am well aware that there are others all across the world suffering greater hardships and dealing with painful, even deadly situations. I get that. I really do. I feel for them and if I had it in my power to ease their suffering, I would. I do when I can, but it will never be enough.

However, I’m in pain. Each and every day. Some are worse than others, but over the past four weeks, my headaches have reached new heights. Most days, I’m barely making it through work, then on to an injury related appointment, be it physical therapy, counseling, doctor, or yet another damn assessment or test.

After that, I arrive home wiped out, depleted, and a mess. I lie down in bed, resting, often with my loving girlfriend lying next to me, trying to comfort me but honestly not knowing how. The fact that she is there, right there next to me, touching me, is comforting. Thank you hon. You may never truly understand how much you help simply by lying next to me, but trust me, it is a welcome respite from the painful crushing headache, if however brief.

I know I’m needy right now. I will not apologize for that. I need her more than ever, and I know she is just as frustrated with our lives right now as I am. I say this. Thank you, my love, for trying, and I beg forgiveness when impatience lashes out. I understand, even it takes a day or so to realize it.

I’m a mess and I know it. Thankfully, I do speak to a counselor, though these days, it’s more like venting and screaming the words that I can’t say anywhere else. That’s the thing. I keep so much bottled up inside because it’s just not right to vent to my girlfriend, coworkers and friends. They understand but there would be consequences to venting to them. I could lose my job, lose my friends and the worse would be isolation from my loving girlfriend who is the center of my world.

As for all my friends, family, and acquaintances, I have received your kind words, your reaching out to say, “I’m thinking of you.” et. all. They make me smile, and I plan on reaching back, especially in your time of need.

broken, unable to writeIn the meantime, instead of making it through one day at a time, I’m working on making it one minute at a time. Now, if I can only just finish up my book and submit it for publishing, damn, I’m so far behind. I just know that I have to get these polishing touches just right. Not the story mind you. That’s done and put to bed. It’s all the blurbs, cover art, book categorizing, and a bunch of other things that can make a book a success or failure. You indie-publishers all know what I am talking about, it just has to be perfect from the onset. Then there is the guy who want’s to help publicize my work if I cooperate and help publicize his work. I’m excited at the prospect. I just can’t get the motivation going to do anything but survive right now.

Now, back to resting and sleeping. Thankfully it’s the weekend where I can get a break from the past week … maybe.

Till next time, I wish you a good day and a better tomorrow. I think about you, my fans, often and I look forward to the day where I can get back to normal. (Though, my girlfriend will be the first one to tell you, I’m not normal. I smile and say “Thank you, love.”)

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