Morticia Addams, my very first love

Morticia Addams

Oh my; be still my fluttering heart. For as long as I can remember, Morticia Addams, portrayed by Carolyn Jones, has always infatuated me. I might have even been in love with her, despite being a fictional character on television. What do I know? I was a kid.

Morticia Addams, goth dark beauty

Which brought me to the question, just how old was I when that show first aired. Yes, I betray my age my answering this question. The show aired for two seasons between 1964 and 1966. That made me between eight and ten years old.

Despite my young age, I couldn’t help but notice Morticia’s seductive svelte figure, plunging neckline, tight waist, and long legs trimmed in that hobble octopus dress that seemed to chase her around the floor. She had the face and mannerisms of romance that drew me in. Just watch her closely in the opening theme, that sly smile when snapping her fingers speaks volumes, enticing me to her side. Despite my tender age, I wanted to be Gomez Addams, going to bed with her each night. In that household, they just as easily could have been sleeping on a bed of nails. You get the idea.

Yes, as a child, I was in love with Morticia Addams. I may be still. more “Morticia Addams, my very first love”

Jigsaw Puzzle Follow-up

Jigsaw Follow-up

Well, I had an unexpected day off from work due to weather, so I worked on my jigsaw puzzle.

Completed jigsaw puzzle
Completed Jigsaw Puzzle

The arctic vortex is sitting over much of the northern hemisphere dropped outdoor temperatures to well below 0 Fahrenheit (-20c) or worse with the wind chill twenty to -50-60f (-45c) in many areas, keeping me indoors today.

more “Jigsaw Puzzle Follow-up”

Jigsaw Puzzle

The Setup

Over the holidays, my girlfriend/partner gave me a jigsaw puzzle as a gift. I don’t know whether to be ecstatic over the thoughtfulness of the gift or cringe by the vast time it’s taking to solve the jigsaw puzzle.

But first, let me backup.

Last fall, we went over to a friend’s house for dinner and conversation, catching up since we last saw each other. At that occasion, our friends had a jigsaw puzzle of their own they were working on. Interested, and with their permission, I found and placed a few pieces and thought nothing of it. more “Jigsaw Puzzle”

What Makes One Happy, part 2

What Makes One Happy, part 2

Last time I wrote about my short-term vs. long-term happiness. Another short-term happiness is coffee. I love coffee. Sixteen years ago when I rejoined the dating scene, I had my first cup of vanilla latte. coffee latteWhile I liked coffee then, I fell in love with vanilla lattes. Today, exiting the dating scene with my long-term girlfriend, I drink several cups of coffee daily, laced with vanilla sugar-free creamer.

Which brings me to my second item in my long-term happiness list, alone time for painting, drawing, and writing. I drink coffee as I paint, draw, or write.

However, I am getting ahead of myself. Let’s back up, shall we?

As a child, I drew all sorts of spaceships and ground vehicles, making up stories as they developed. I also tended to write stories in my head that incorporated these doodles or were fresh and not related to them. I even wrote a couple down which were lost to the hands of time. As a young adult, I forgot about them and proceeded to be caught up in photography and girls. Girls turned out to be my main obsessive behaviors and I was awkward around them. It took a lot of trial and effort that lasted for decades, despite getting married and having a child in the meantime.

Sixteen years ago, I revisited my creative talents a couple of years after my marriage died and I lived alone. I loved it and I began drawing and painting in earnest. Living alone like that for all those years trained my adult mind to disappear into my creative world, feeling and living the lives of the characters I created. Later, branching out and revisiting my creative writing, I fell into the same pattern. In some ways, it was easier to disappear into my creative world as I could sit in a comfortable chair and write; all the while, my girlfriend watched her favorite shows on television.

I have to admit, I prefer my alone quiet time, apart from life and in my creative space (my office or my studio) in order to draw, write or paint. Sailing into the sunsetIt’s important to me, no question about it, and being there makes me happy. I’m free to be myself, unbeholden to anyone or anything else. Feeling what my characters feel and experience, I can develop story lines that flow. I can feel the pain and joy, torment and pleasure that they feel. It hurts at times but I am able to leave a bit of me in my creations. As I have said before, my heart and soul is embedded in each work I create, be it visual or written. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

To be honest though, it is difficult at times to separate myself from the real world, where my girlfriend is such an important part, and spend time in my creative space where I immerse myself in my fictional realities. I can recall a numerous occasions when I had to stop and ask her to wait until I finished a particular section of the story. I didn’t want to lose track of the flow of the story, extricate myself from the pretend world in order so that I could interact with her on whatever she wanted to say. Sometimes she’d acquiesce and other times, she’d fume. I can’t say I blame her. I do the same to her.

Last November, consumed with writing my latest book, ‘The Trafficking Consortium’, she really became bothered at the time I spent writing the story and disappearing into this fictional world, even when I was sitting right next to her. The Trafficking ConsortiumI took every spare moment to write, moments that she had felt were hers. I agree. Most times they were but during November, nope. It was as if I had a barking dog scratching at the door to be let out and relieve itself. Just as you can’t tell a dog to wait, else it would piss on your carpet, I couldn’t tell the story to wait. Frankly, it hurt to keep it inside instead of being let out. So, every available moment was taken to write, and write, and write some more.

My girlfriend and I are still negotiating these rules of engagement, so that I can create undisturbed and uninterrupted with time I allocate to her. Since she is very important to me, I walk a delicate line between the two worlds. In the meantime, I keep at it. I thank the universe that lately, she is okay with me blocking out significant blocks of time to create. I wonder what she will think when she figures out that some of my best creative time is well after dark and can last into the wee hours of the morning. I don’t think it is a problem though as my body can’t take it anymore. For some reason, it insists upon a decent night’s sleep.

Thanks for reading. I hope you have a great day and a better tomorrow.

What Makes One Happy?

What Makes One Happy?

Miss MollyI don’t know about you, but I can tell you about me. First off, I group my happiness into two categories, short-term and long-term.

My latest bit of short-term happiness comes from my car. It is a 2017 Camaro 2LT/RS with a few other goodies to go with it. She wears a Hyper Blue Metallic dress over a hot leather interior. Yes, that’s her in the picture. Beautiful, isn’t she?

I named it Miss Molly after the song ‘Devil with a Blue Dress On’ covered by Mitch Ryder & the Detroit Wheels. With six on the floor and on-the-fly modifiable performance modes, she’s a dream to drive and lots of fun to ride.

Devil In Blue DressBTW, I’ve named all my cars over the years with female names, the previous being ‘Alice,’ (nod to Elton John’s ‘All the Girls Love Alice’) a 2014 red Camaro built with similar accoutrements. Over the years, I have had or driven several Camaros and I first fell in love with the car when I bought my very first one. It was a 1974 antique white Camaro Type LT with all the trimmings, including a spoiler, and a dark saddle tan interior. I paid $5,204 for it brand new, right off the showroom floor. Too bad they still don’t go for that kind of money. Her name was Valerie and I’m not going to tell you why, though I bet you can guess why.

As for Miss Molly, I love sliding into her and giving her a ride.

However, I am most interested in writing about what makes me happy in the long-term. In no particular order, they are:

  1. Alone time for painting, drawing, and writing.
  2. Naked female bodies, or as I otherwise say, lover of the female form.
  3. An extraordinary woman to share our combined interests.

Fortunately, I am at a stage in my life where I enjoy all three, which I suppose makes me elated and lucky. I feel that I am, but why do I always want more?

Let’s start with number two in the list. I first learned of my fascination with girls and their bodies back in seventh grade. That would make me about eleven at the time. It was completely unknown to me, but I now know that it was at this stage in my life where I started changing my attitudes towards girls. Of course, at that time, I didn’t understand it. A year later in eighth grade, our teacher arranged our classroom desks in a circle. A girl (Theresa), who sat across from me, would sit with her knees spread wide so that I could see right up under her dress and study the panties covering her privates. I was fascinated, yet young and very, very stupid. Thankfully, I never made a move back then. I think it was also the year that I discovered my father’s stash of nudie’s in the basement where my mother would never find them. From that moment on, I was hooked.

A year later, as a freshman in high-school, and still underage, I perused the magazine stands, trying to work up the courage to buy my first Playboy magazine. I stood there for over an hour before the proprietor of the place asked me “Well, are you going to buy something?” I chickened out and instead, bought my first book on how to sketch the human female body. This was just as good I thought and used it more to master the art of masturbation than to study and learn to draw them. Of course, by this time, I had been practicing masturbation for over two years, but now I had something in hand (forgive the pun) to refine the art. Even to this day, I frequently enjoy it. Perhaps that is why my urologist tells me that I have a perfect prostate. Does daily practice really make perfect in this case?

As the time inevitably drove on, I found myself hooked on studying a woman’s body. I amassed quite a collection of ‘girlie’ magazines, preferring the more tasteful ones over the increasing market of tasteless ones. With the advent of the internet and the freely accessible store of images, I eventually dropped all my subscriptions, which I presume many other men did as well, which in turn started the slide of the modern paper-based ‘girlie’ magazine.

Female FormMy love of a woman’s body has never once wavered in the decades since. In fact, it’s only grown. No matter what the shape, style, or wrappings, I love them all. I have my favorites of course and I absolutely hate the basketballs that some women insert into their bodies. I like them real, natural, and responsive. I even started reading medical textbooks and other similar books meant to instruct rather than titillate. I learned a lot about the female body and how it works. Even to this day, I strive to learn more about them. I want to find out how they work, inside and out.

As a result, I discovered the mechanics involved with foreplay, the female orgasm, and the after care. Over the years, I practiced with various partners and when I wasn’t in a committed relationship, with several at a time. They taught and I learned. Each taught me more than any book learning could ever have, though I do feel that the books helped make for an easier experience in and out of bed.

Still, I find myself unsatiated. My fascination with a woman’s naked body grows exponentially. I want more and I want to continue studying and practicing the art. And, this is very important, I know with whom I want to share this fascination and experience the joys that come with exploring the human body.

That would be, of course, the love of my life, my girlfriend and life-partner. No, they’re not three different girls, they’re all the same girl, all wrapped up in one fabulous package. I don’t believe I can handle more than one at a time. Too exhausting as she would say. We’ve been together for thirteen years this coming May. I have learned a lot about how her mind and body works. Although … I know that I don’t know it all. I know I am missing much that I cannot learn by reading books, looking at porn, or studying medical manuals. I desire and intend to rectify that with lots of practice. Perhaps within the next thirteen years, I will become satisfied.

However, to tell you the truth, I hope I do not. I have always had an insatiable desire to learn and grow. I don’t know what I would do with myself if I lose that desire. I will always want to learn more about what makes her tick. It’s a real shame that I am growing older, and my body doesn’t work as it once did in my teens and early twenties. If only I knew then what I know now, how much more would I be able to learn? And oh, how I would practice. Afterall, doesn’t practice makes perfect?

Next time, I will expound upon my need for drawing, painting, and writing. Lastly, I will write about my need to share life and experiences with an extraordinary woman.

In the meantime, have a great day and a better tomorrow, perhaps in bed with your favorite partner(s).

Life’s learned lessons

Life’s learned lessons

Good Day Everyone. Looking at my site, I just realized that I haven’t posted in a week. I knew it had been a while, but I didn’t know that it was that long. Sorry about that.

To tell you the truth, I’ve been seeing a lot of doctors and going to Physical Therapy (PT) lately. I’m working on my post-concussion issues, and I have made some progress and learned a few things. The two biggest things that I learned are:

  1. I’m still not ready to go back to work. (Shit!)
  2. I’m dwelling too much on my headaches and other issues, and not enough on life.

Number 1 scared me until I learned about number 2. I must accept it and deal with it while living my life. I’m sure that my colleagues at work won’t be happy with number 1, but I’m not in control of that aspect of my life. ‘It is what it is.’ As I write this, David Bowie’s ‘Space Oddity’ is playing in the background and I just realized that I identify with many of the verses in the song.

To deal with number 2, I’ve been advised to change things up in my life. Change the venue so to speak. What does that mean? Well, for one thing, get out of the house more often. Now that the holidays are over, I can do that on my terms rather than on someone else’s terms.

My psychologist asked me an important question. “What are your go to items that make you happy?”

An easy answer for once, “Drawing and Painting, Writing, and Sharing intimate time with my girlfriend.” (I don’t necessarily mean sex, but that’s an important part.)

The problem is that all are suffering. I don’t yet have my painting studio setup which prevents me from putting paint to canvas. My injury stopped me from working on it for several months. I muddle through it at times, but I usually ran out of steam before getting far. I’m now motivated to get it done.

The Trafficking ConsortiumThen there is the writing. Without my creative stream running through my head, I am struggling to come up with a storyline. What I do know is that last October, I put pencil to paper and came up with several new compositions that I am very happy with. Drawing them put me in a headspace that made me happy and I forgot about my chronic headache. Checking my headache logs, I discovered that during those days and the following weeks, my headaches were relatively mild. And guess what? That’s when I had my inspiration for ‘The Trafficking Consortium.’ Writing it consumed me, and after looking at the logs, the headaches never surpassed a four on a scale of zero to ten. What do you know?

I can draw almost anywhere and yet; I prefer either my studio or my office. They represent my personal space and allow me to dive in without distractions. Until last night, my office was not configured to allow me to draw easily. It is now. 😉 Starting later today or tomorrow, I’ll finish a piece I started months ago and move on. Perhaps that will be the avenue to find inspiration for a new story. In fact, I’m betting on it.

That leaves the last of my goto’s, my girlfriend. Due to my injury and other issues, which I am not going to go into, our relationship has been strained. She is concerned about my condition and often frustrated that she can’t help. So, I was advised to change things up, do things differently and do it in new environments.

So, change the venue, right? Last night, the two of us went for a walk around my neighborhood. The first time since last fall. I usually do it alone. It was nice. Later today, we’re planning on doing a couple of errands together and then go to the movies. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen a movie in a theater. I’m looking forward to it. We’ve also made plans to go out more, see friends in other venues, rather than have them come to our house. I’m also looking forward to playing cribbage or other games together which we’ve not done since last summer. Playing games at the table gets us away from the TV, and conversing in an intimate setting which is something I crave.

What does all this mean to you, my fans and followers of my blog and readers of my books? Despite what my marketer muse has told me, I’m going to stop forcing myself to write a daily blog. It is stressful to think of topics to write that you are interested in and it takes time away from life, my girlfriend, and my happy place. But don’t fret, I will write you at least weekly and maybe more as things settle down. Yes, it will be true that I will miss your interactions and responding to your comments. You can comment all you like. I will read, and I will write back.

In the meantime, just know that I love and appreciate all of you. Thank you for your support and reading my books. Be sure to look for my latest novel ‘The Trafficking Consortium,’ which I will be publishing on Amazon in early Feb.

Have a great day and a better tomorrow!

Comradery

Comradery

Six people gathered last night around a table. Six people shared food and drink, each telling their stories, commiserating over pain and anguish, laughing and smiling over accomplishments, as they all looked forward to the coming weeks and months in their lives.

Hands stacked in comradery Others could ask why these six people had appeared together. Watching the group, I can see why. Twenty years in age separate the youngest to the eldest. They come from all walks of life. They consist of nerds and extraverts, techies and non-techies. There’s a renaissance man, a secular politician, a project manager, a software engineer, a contractor, and finally but not least, a therapist. They are smart, street smart, worldly and sheltered. Frankly, something I don’t understand, is how, why and under what circumstances these unlikely of people could gather together and share their precious time together?

As the evening progressed, conversations and stories ranged the gamut. Topics covered, included politics, religion, sports, movies and television, health and wellness, drama, social clubs, travel, vacations, the menu, Cannabis (weed) and medicine, and,Cannoli's well the list goes on and on. Take, for example, television and movies. In short order, the group touched on ‘Galaxy Quest’ as a spoof of ‘Star Trek,’ ‘Dr. Who,’ ‘Guardians of the Galaxy,’ ‘The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy,’ ‘Humans,’ ‘Brain Dead,’ ‘Designated Survivor,’ ‘MacGyver,’ and a plethora of others. Travel and vacations turned to ‘Disney World,’ and Hawaii. Food included the best recommendations from the menu, including ‘Cannolis,’ and Steak Bombers, thin-crust pizza vs. thick-crust, and the excellent fish fry. For three-plus hours, this unlikely group shared themselves with each other.

Making the impossible, possible.
Making the impossible, possible.

What amazes me is most is how apparent each of the six cares for and respects each other. They are patient and kind, compassion and caring. It is evident to me; that should any one of them need support, guidance or redirection, everyone would pitch in and help, offer their assistance and assist the one in need to overcome the challenge. The comradery between them is, for me, the most precious wealth in their combined treasure box. They are not comrades in arms. Instead, they are comrades in friendship. Together, they make the impossible — possible.

I don’t know why, especially due to the diversity of ages and backgrounds, but I am proud to call them … my friends.

Love you all. I had a great time. Thanks.

p.s. As always, please feel free to leave me a comment. I enjoy reading them.

The Love of my Life

“Everyone makes mistakes in life, but that doesn’t mean they have to pay for them the rest of their life. Sometimes, good people make bad choices. It doesn’t mean they are bad. It means they are human.”
— author unknown

I read this quote on social media just now. It touched me. Does it touch you? Do you believe that mistakes are rectifiable? Is everyone who made a mistake a bad person? If you believe this, what does that say about you?

I will admit. I’ve made mistakes, many mistakes in my life. I do try harder, each and every day, to make better choices. However, it is important to me that I remain ‘me’. I spent too many years trying to be what others wanted me to be. All I got in return was pain and heartache. I grieved, I cried, I nearly died.

Today, I am a happier person. I love what I do and who I am. I make no bones about who I am. You are welcome to take me as I am or not. Do I care? Possibly. Yet, in the end, I cannot change who I am. I love who I am and what I love. Thankfully, the love of my life, maggical (my term of endearment for her), accepts me for who I am and what I love.

I love you maggical and I will forever.