Headache Log

Cefaly helping me to write

Headache Log

I was reviewing my headache log this morning. Yes, I maintain a headache log. Periodically, my doctors review it to help them decide on the next course of action. I can’t believe what the numbers show.

Back in February, my numbers were very manageable; ones and twos. Oh, and in case you don’t realize it, I’ve never seen a zero since suffering my concussion almost six years ago. Can you believe it?

Headache Log

Heachache Log for March 2021

Then, during the end of the first week of March, they started climbing. By the end of the second week, they climbed to really high numbers. I started seeing sevens and eights. They’ve been like that ever since. For seven weeks I suffered in ways that I am tired of, and I can’t stand it much. I get up in the morning doing the job that pays for my food and roof over my head, go home, and collapse on my sofa, overwhelmed by the conflict in my head. Sometimes, the levels dip into nine, just one point short of the worst ever. Occasionally, I’ve also felt nauseous with auras. Isn’t that a sign of a migraine?

Bitching?

Now, I know this sounds like I’m bitching. I know others have it worse off than I do. That doesn’t change the way I feel. I’m frustrated, tired, and angry. However, I will not get depressed over the situation. I won’t let that happen. I get up every day and face the world, determined that it will be a better day.

What’s worse, is that I can’t stimulate my creative juices to write. Sorry, folks, I have written little in the last couple of weeks. All I can do are the routine things at work and collapse when I get home. A few of my readers contacted me after my last blog entry, suggesting various things, including checking into out-of-town clinics specializing in my condition. I’ve looked into it. I’m intrigued.

To compensate for the battle going on in my head, I’ve done several things. One is I have a new neurologist. He’s on the younger side but supervised by an older neurologist I’ve been seeing for the last year for a second opinion. He’s got some new ideas and I’m on new medication.

Medical Marijuana

But that’s not all. In my state, marijuana is only legal for medical purposes, although that is changing as I write this. Yes, I have my medical marijuana card prescribed by my doctor in case you wondered. I had a small supply left over from last year. It worked for a couple of months and then stopped being ineffective. I stopped using it.

Medical Marijuana and meOne day, when I was really bad, I took it. Within hours, I felt a change. While it did not lower the value, I felt the marijuana encapsulated the pain behind an unbreakable shield. Think of a snow globe and the pain inside, moving about, trying to get out. Stuck behind a force field, I felt better, functioning at a level I hadn’t seen in a month.

Going back to the dispensary, I bought more. I can’t believe it, the weed is helping. I wish it would work more consistently, but alas, even my doctors tell me I am a special case. Fuck, don’t they realize patients hate to hear that? Still, I’m determined to fight, which brings me to the next thing I did.

Cefaly

I hate taking pills. They screw with the body’s chemistry, although I realize that in this case, it’s necessary. He also suggested a device that reminded me of something right out of Star Trek. If you’ve seen the movie Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home, Dr. McCoy uses a device on Chekov to repair a subdural hematoma. While I don’t have that condition, thank Gaia, I looked into it. After reviewing it with my Primary Care Physician (PCP), I tried it. It’s not covered by insurance, but at this stage, I don’t care. It’s got a sixty day unconditional return policy for full refund. What have I got to lose? I’m trying it.

Can Cefaly reduce the numbers in my headache log

It’s from a company called Cefaly and it is noninvasive and doesn’t screw with my body chemistry. It works a lot like a Tens Unit, it’s a self-contained unit without wires. You put a pad on your head and magnetically place the device on it. The sensations are exactly like a Tens Unit. Electrical impulses get injected into the flesh on my face and over the course of the treatment, move in easily recognizable patterns. Sometimes they go side to side, other times in circles, and, well, you get the idea. Treatments last between twenty to sixty minutes.

I’ve just started with it, and the results are mixed. They designed the Cefaly for migraines. My doctors tell me my headaches are not migraines, but my headache log of late tells a different story. What I can say is that it seems to help.

Progress Made, and still updating my headache log.

That’s where I stand right now. I’ve haven’t had the drive or energy to write, even with this blog. I hate resting for half of my waking day and then going to bed. All this sitting and lying down is driving me crazy and making my body ache. I force myself to do my best to take part in life, going to work, the grocery stores, and meeting friends. But there’s nothing creative going on. Until now.

For the past week, I’m at a three or four, which is manageable on the creative front. For one, I’m writing this blog entry. Wow, last weekend, writing one was the farthest from my mind. I am also trying to get back into Avril’s story and write more chapters. I know exactly what I want to do for the next few chapters. It’s getting my mind clear enough to write it down. I’m determined to live, laugh, fuck, smile, and be a part of the world around me.

I still need to get back to the ones and twos. I zero would be nice too! Knock on wood. I’m getting back to writing, adding another book to the Consortium Series.

This is Richard Verry recovering from a terrible month and a half, determined to find out what happens to Avril and her predicament. Talk to you soon. Have a great day and a better one tomorrow.

Impressive start to Infiltration

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woman reading book while relaxing on grass

Impressive Start

What an impressive start to Infiltration, book 4 in the #Consortium series. I’m impressed. Thank you fans and readers. It’s been a few weeks since I last wrote, and a lot has happened since then. With no additional fluff, here we go.

Book 5 News

impressive start

Woman in words 2
by JuanOsborne

I’ve written several chapters for book #5, the follow-up book of Infiltration as yet unnamed, and it is off to a good start too. In chatting with my muses, I’ve heard comments like, “Oh, this is getting exciting!”

I am excited to get deeper into the story. Like #Infiltration, my writing is off to an impressive start. So much is going on, that I sometimes lose track of where I am, as the ideas of scenes keep popping into my mind. I have several I want to do, but have yet to write them, or even know where in the story I should put them. I know we are all used to chronological order in our stories, but maybe this time, I need to use a couple of my ideas in flashbacks. What I know is that these ideas are perfect for the story, and they all fit right in with the development of the characters and the plot.

Yes, I am excited by the way this book is turning out so far. I can’t wait to see how it develops. I know you, my readers, are also thinking the same thing.

Other News

Of course, I’ve suffered a setback of sorts. A little over two weeks ago, my #concussion related 24x7x365 #headache that started almost five years ago asserted itself. I went 16 days with a constant #migraine level headache, yes, I used singular form on purpose. It is/was all one event lasting for way too long that never let up. As a result, I could barely do my regular job that keeps the roof over my head, and as soon as I got home, I’d collapse and rest, nap, and finally go to bed. Somewhere in there, I’d eat a little, but beyond that, I could do nothing else. I was completely and utterly worn out from dealing with the headache.

Concussion headache

Today, I finally have a bit of relief. It’s down in the 4-5 range which is manageable. I’m really tired of the 6-8 range. It might be because of a change in medication, using something that is more potent than I’ve ever used before. Don’t worry, it’s not addictive. While I have some of that addictive stuff in the house, I refuse to use it, knowing how dangerous it is, refusing to fall into that trap. I’m also concerned with the amount of over-the-counter analgesics I’ve taken. I don’t want that stuff to mess with my kidneys, liver, or other vital organs. Besides, they did little to help.

So I am working through the issue and hope to get a lot of writing done starting today.

Spring has sprung?

On the positive note, it looks like Spring arrived in my part of the world. Temperatures fluctuate wildly, but there have been enough warm days lately that I’ve seen bare legs and flip-flops on people of all ages and types. The sun shines a lot more too, which doesn’t help the headache, but helps with my mood.

Thanks for reading this article. I know it feels more like a journal entry, but I wanted you, my readers, to know that I am on top of things, and recognize your thirst for more of Avril and Sir’s story. You know what? Like me, you’re all a bloodthirsty lot. Thank you.

Have a wonderful day and enjoy the #coffee!

coffee, an impressive start to the day

Sir and the fire drill

Sir & a fire drill

Sir’s bio

Weeks ago, after I published my last book, ‘UnderCurrents,’ I started writing a blog on Sir, the main antagonist in my Consortium books. I intended it to be a short synopsis of the character addressing the question. What makes him tick? Before I knew it, it was over two thousand words long, much too long to use as a blog entry.

I decided to create a page on my site dedicated to this character. After all, his victim and primary interest in the books, Avril has a page. Before long, I added another couple of hundred words to his biography, and I’ve only touched the surface of this complicated and intriguing character. Which means, it needs editing and sifting just as what happens when I write a new story. What am I, a glutton for punishment? Don’t answer that. Still in rough draft form, and the bio needing more work, I ran into a health issue. Read More

Botox plus Daith Piercing

Botox for Migraine

Botox plus Daith Piercing

Wow, it’s been a month since I last wrote to you. Where has the time flown? A lot has happened, so let’s get right to it.

In my last entry, I wrote about my Daith Piercing. I got it to help deal with my chronic headache. While I tried to stay realistic and hope for the best and pray that it would help with my headaches, unfortunately, they persist. On the surface, the jewelry in my ear is not helping. However, I like it so it will stay. Read More

I’m Miserable

Misery

I’m miserable

Okay, it’s official. I’m miserable. I feel broken. Do you know when you see someone for the first time in a day, the usually greet you with “Hi! How are you?” You know they are expecting the answer “Fine.”

I can’t say it anymore. I just can’t. I finally came up with an appropriate response. “I’m miserable.”

“What? Oh, how come?” they respond with the obvious.

In my head, I’m thinking “Oh, shit. Not fucking again.” I want to scream at them and say “Duh!”

What I do say is “You know, it’s this thing that is constantly going on.” pointing to my head.

“Did they forget from yesterday? It’s the same shit every day, only everyday is a bit worse.” I’m thinking. Please stop asking “How are you.” I’d rather hear “Are you okay?”

miserable, in painI’ve relapsed and the pain in my skull is the worse I’ve ever felt since this all started. It feels like a crushing hand griping my entire skull and squeezing. Everything else seems to have resolved but the headaches? No. It’s almost as of my brain is saying in the only way it knows how. “Enough is enough already? Stop trying to fix me.” It’s true. Before my relapse, I was pushing hard to increase stimuli and repair the broken synapses in my brain. I guess I pushed too hard. The worse part? I thought I was about to resolve it all and return to normal. Shit!

For the first time in my life, I feel like I’m suffering. Oh yes, I am well aware that there are others all across the world suffering greater hardships and dealing with painful, even deadly situations. I get that. I really do. I feel for them and if I had it in my power to ease their suffering, I would. I do when I can, but it will never be enough.

However, I’m in pain. Each and every day. Some are worse than others, but over the past four weeks, my headaches have reached new heights. Most days, I’m barely making it through work, then on to an injury related appointment, be it physical therapy, counseling, doctor, or yet another damn assessment or test.

After that, I arrive home wiped out, depleted, and a mess. I lie down in bed, resting, often with my loving girlfriend lying next to me, trying to comfort me but honestly not knowing how. The fact that she is there, right there next to me, touching me, is comforting. Thank you hon. You may never truly understand how much you help simply by lying next to me, but trust me, it is a welcome respite from the painful crushing headache, if however brief.

I know I’m needy right now. I will not apologize for that. I need her more than ever, and I know she is just as frustrated with our lives right now as I am. I say this. Thank you, my love, for trying, and I beg forgiveness when impatience lashes out. I understand, even it takes a day or so to realize it.

I’m a mess and I know it. Thankfully, I do speak to a counselor, though these days, it’s more like venting and screaming the words that I can’t say anywhere else. That’s the thing. I keep so much bottled up inside because it’s just not right to vent to my girlfriend, coworkers and friends. They understand but there would be consequences to venting to them. I could lose my job, lose my friends and the worse would be isolation from my loving girlfriend who is the center of my world.

As for all my friends, family, and acquaintances, I have received your kind words, your reaching out to say, “I’m thinking of you.” et. all. They make me smile, and I plan on reaching back, especially in your time of need.

broken, unable to writeIn the meantime, instead of making it through one day at a time, I’m working on making it one minute at a time. Now, if I can only just finish up my book and submit it for publishing, damn, I’m so far behind. I just know that I have to get these polishing touches just right. Not the story mind you. That’s done and put to bed. It’s all the blurbs, cover art, book categorizing, and a bunch of other things that can make a book a success or failure. You indie-publishers all know what I am talking about, it just has to be perfect from the onset. Then there is the guy who want’s to help publicize my work if I cooperate and help publicize his work. I’m excited at the prospect. I just can’t get the motivation going to do anything but survive right now.

Now, back to resting and sleeping. Thankfully it’s the weekend where I can get a break from the past week … maybe.

Till next time, I wish you a good day and a better tomorrow. I think about you, my fans, often and I look forward to the day where I can get back to normal. (Though, my girlfriend will be the first one to tell you, I’m not normal. I smile and say “Thank you, love.”)

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