Botox plus Daith Piercing

Botox for Migraine

Botox plus Daith Piercing

Wow, it’s been a month since I last wrote to you. Where has the time flown? A lot has happened, so let’s get right to it.

In my last entry, I wrote about my Daith Piercing. I got it to help deal with my chronic headache. While I tried to stay realistic and hope for the best and pray that it would help with my headaches, unfortunately, they persist. On the surface, the jewelry in my ear is not helping. However, I like it so it will stay. Continue reading “Botox plus Daith Piercing”

I’m Miserable

Misery

I’m miserable

Okay, it’s official. I’m miserable. I feel broken. Do you know when you see someone for the first time in a day, the usually greet you with “Hi! How are you?” You know they are expecting the answer “Fine.”

I can’t say it anymore. I just can’t. I finally came up with an appropriate response. “I’m miserable.”

“What? Oh, how come?” they respond with the obvious.

In my head, I’m thinking “Oh, shit. Not fucking again.” I want to scream at them and say “Duh!”

What I do say is “You know, it’s this thing that is constantly going on.” pointing to my head.

“Did they forget from yesterday? It’s the same shit every day, only everyday is a bit worse.” I’m thinking. Please stop asking “How are you.” I’d rather hear “Are you okay?”

miserable, in painI’ve relapsed and the pain in my skull is the worse I’ve ever felt since this all started. It feels like a crushing hand griping my entire skull and squeezing. Everything else seems to have resolved but the headaches? No. It’s almost as of my brain is saying in the only way it knows how. “Enough is enough already? Stop trying to fix me.” It’s true. Before my relapse, I was pushing hard to increase stimuli and repair the broken synapses in my brain. I guess I pushed too hard. The worse part? I thought I was about to resolve it all and return to normal. Shit!

For the first time in my life, I feel like I’m suffering. Oh yes, I am well aware that there are others all across the world suffering greater hardships and dealing with painful, even deadly situations. I get that. I really do. I feel for them and if I had it in my power to ease their suffering, I would. I do when I can, but it will never be enough.

However, I’m in pain. Each and every day. Some are worse than others, but over the past four weeks, my headaches have reached new heights. Most days, I’m barely making it through work, then on to an injury related appointment, be it physical therapy, counseling, doctor, or yet another damn assessment or test.

After that, I arrive home wiped out, depleted, and a mess. I lie down in bed, resting, often with my loving girlfriend lying next to me, trying to comfort me but honestly not knowing how. The fact that she is there, right there next to me, touching me, is comforting. Thank you hon. You may never truly understand how much you help simply by lying next to me, but trust me, it is a welcome respite from the painful crushing headache, if however brief.

I know I’m needy right now. I will not apologize for that. I need her more than ever, and I know she is just as frustrated with our lives right now as I am. I say this. Thank you, my love, for trying, and I beg forgiveness when impatience lashes out. I understand, even it takes a day or so to realize it.

I’m a mess and I know it. Thankfully, I do speak to a counselor, though these days, it’s more like venting and screaming the words that I can’t say anywhere else. That’s the thing. I keep so much bottled up inside because it’s just not right to vent to my girlfriend, coworkers and friends. They understand but there would be consequences to venting to them. I could lose my job, lose my friends and the worse would be isolation from my loving girlfriend who is the center of my world.

As for all my friends, family, and acquaintances, I have received your kind words, your reaching out to say, “I’m thinking of you.” et. all. They make me smile, and I plan on reaching back, especially in your time of need.

broken, unable to writeIn the meantime, instead of making it through one day at a time, I’m working on making it one minute at a time. Now, if I can only just finish up my book and submit it for publishing, damn, I’m so far behind. I just know that I have to get these polishing touches just right. Not the story mind you. That’s done and put to bed. It’s all the blurbs, cover art, book categorizing, and a bunch of other things that can make a book a success or failure. You indie-publishers all know what I am talking about, it just has to be perfect from the onset. Then there is the guy who want’s to help publicize my work if I cooperate and help publicize his work. I’m excited at the prospect. I just can’t get the motivation going to do anything but survive right now.

Now, back to resting and sleeping. Thankfully it’s the weekend where I can get a break from the past week … maybe.

Till next time, I wish you a good day and a better tomorrow. I think about you, my fans, often and I look forward to the day where I can get back to normal. (Though, my girlfriend will be the first one to tell you, I’m not normal. I smile and say “Thank you, love.”)

Quiet lately

Concussion banner

Quiet lately

Apologies all. I know I have been quiet lately. I had a relapse with my post concussion shit and my headaches reached new heights over the last three weeks. For the first time in my life, I truly feel like I am suffering.

Concussion related headachesI have been working hard over the past couple of months to increase the level of stimuli to my brain, in order to force it to repair the damaged nerve connections. It’s been working and I am progressing. I just think that my brain finally said ‘enough is enough. Give me a break already’ in the only way it knew how. By beating the shit out of me and intensive my headaches to new levels.

A nerve block into the back of my skull and plenty of rest (i.e., doing nothing but sleeping and parking myself in my recliner) seems to be helping. BTW, two needles into the back of my head was not my first choice. The burning and shooting pain that came with it almost took me down all together.

Add into the mix the numerous emotions as a result, and I was barely able to do much beyond my mandatory responsibilities. Yes, I’m not going to list all of the emotions I had to deal with over the past two weeks. I’ve made my girlfriend suffer enough as it was.

So while I have a few moments of clarity, I’m writing to you to let you know that I am thinking of all of you. I plan on continuing my regime of rest today, hoping that by tomorrow, I can start the work week off and not crash by mid-afternoon.

I’ll write when I can. And, I am oh so close to releasing my latest book, ‘The Trafficking Consortium.’ That’s first on my agenda when I can spend quality time on it. Stay tuned. Thanks for your understanding.

 

Good morning one and all

Concussion photo

Good morning one and all

I trust that all is well with you and that you survived New Years. I did, but it was not one of the favorite evenings in my lifetime. First, staying up to midnight was an arduous task. Fortunately, a game of dominos helped a lot. Since my concussion, I haven’t been up that late, which is now in the sixth month.

Concussion bannerThe injury also left me extremely sensitive to sensory items, such as sound, sight, and smells. That is, Continue reading “Good morning one and all”

Good morning! Are you recovered yet?

Red wine and candles on mantle

Good morning! Are you recovered yet?

Red wine and candles on mantleGood Morning. I trust everyone is recovering nicely from the festivities of last weekend. You’d better, as the New Year is this coming weekend. Are you hosting or going to a party to celebrate the passing of 2016 (good riddance) and the arrival of 2017? I plan too, but as of yet, I haven’t finalized my plans. I’m sure we’ll figure it out. And if you’re like me, and occasionally skip the party for a quiet evening at home, with or without a loved one, then I say, sounds like a great plan.

I had planned on writing this post yesterday. What kept me? Good question.

As most of you know, I suffered a severe concussion over the summer. I’ve been dealing with the after-effects ever since. I still suffer from short-term memory loss and an infrequent but consistent inability to form coherent sentences. I start therapy for that the middle of January for that.

Most concerning to me is my constant headaches. There hasn’t been a day when I have been without one since July. It sucks, and I am at a loss. My neurologist has stepped up my prescriptions in which I have to increase the dosage week-by-week gradually. I won’t be at full dosage until the end of January. But that isn’t why I failed to write to you yesterday.

Concussion bannerI’m now in physical therapy. I have sessions twice a week. Yesterday was the first after the holiday. I go to PT with the expectation that they will beat me up and I need to rest when I get home. Yesterday, man did they ever beat me up. I never thought forty-five minutes of any activity would be so excruciating and so debilitating afterward.

When I got home after yesterday’s PT, I was exhausted, in pain, and my headache climbed a few notches. Hey, isn’t PT suppose to reduce my headaches? Well, that’s what I hope for, but at this early stage, it is far more likely that I will continue experience yesterday’s result for the near future. So, I’m walking in the door, the house is quiet, and my loving girlfriend is still asleep. I grabbed several glasses of water and gulped them down. Then I made a cup of coffee and while that was brewing, drank another glass of water.

When the coffee was ready, I plopped down in my recliner where I spent much of the day. I never felt so physically tired after just forty-five minutes. It’s as if I worked a construction site, or a factory floor, for ten hours. I was mentally and physically fatigued. What the hell is up with that, anyway?

After a mid-afternoon nap, a quiet evening, and a good night’s sleep, I feel much better. Despite still having my headache. Damn, when will I ever get relief?

Care to share your stories? I’ll be happy to read, and if you like, I’ll publish them. Till next time, I’m back to writing and enjoying the season. I hope you have a great day and a better tomorrow.