You sometimes describe yourself as ‘deviant’. If you consider yourself normal, why is that?

Let’s go back to Webster’s Dictionary definition of the word.

Deviant def: ‘different from what is considered to be normal or morally correct.’

Now mind you, I say that I am sometimes a deviant from the side of my mouth, in jest. Yet, I do feel that at times. I was raised in a traditional home with  liberal thinking parents and a house full of female siblings. I instinctively know that I think differently from so many people around me. Most of my community, including family and friends, are more traditional in their thinking than I. They are more conservative and middle of the road in their thinking. They aren’t open-minded and appear to be set in their ways.  

Normality, as in the American dream, was what I ever known. Religious, hard working, earning a living  and eating dinner at 6 pm with the family was my norm.

You get the picture.

Stand out in a crowdMe, I don’t subscribe to this view of life. It’s way too ‘vanilla’ for me. I rebelled from this mindset when I became an adult. I believe in whatever makes you happy so long as it doesn’t hurt someone else.

I believe in the right to love who you want, sleep with whomever, one on one or more. I believe in monogamy, polygamy and group marriage even though I don’t believe I could deal with the stress of multiple spouses. One is quite enough, thank you very much.

I believe in sharing and loving without reservation. With that, I do have expectations in those whom I love. I believe in polyamorous family units. I believe in same-sex marriage. I believe in being single as well, if it suits you.

I believe in power exchange in adult play among consenting partners.

I believe in doing what’s best for myself, my family and my friends. I believe in giving of myself. I believe that it is okay to have expectations from those you love. They say ‘you can’t choose your family but you can choose your friends’. I say you can choose both. If family or friends don’t live up to your expectations and can’t offer you what you need, then I choose to find a new family and new friends.

Not that I live outside society’s norms. I will, however, try to rise above society’s expectations and pull the rest of you along with me, if I can. If I see that you have something to offer to help me rise to greater heights, I will accept whatever gifts you offer in attaining growth and enlightenment.

So to that extent, I consider myself a deviant … also normal.

2 thoughts on “You sometimes describe yourself as ‘deviant’. If you consider yourself normal, why is that?

  1. sam1128

    An interesting point of view Richard I don’t see your views as deviant , not kow towing to society’s norms seeing a different vision does not mean deviance.

    The only thing that made me wonder was your attitude to friends and family, if they don’t meet your expectations you are going to kick them into touch? You say believe in giving of yourself so hopefully that finding new is a last resort?

    We might well have to differ imo
    In relationships it should be about what the partner, friend, relative wants to achieve, not what you want. It is not about your vision for your partner friend,it is about their journey. The role is support whilst they travel the road, enabling them space, being non judgemental, showing encouragement. It not about fixing the perceived shortcomings you see in them.

    1. Richard Verry

      Hey Sam,
      Thanks for your comments. They are well organized and I see where you are going with them.

      I will say this. Before moving on in a relationship, be it family or friends, I do believe in doing everything I can before selecting the last resort, even if it costs me financially. I believe strongly that everyone can contribute in a positive manner to a relationship and I will give them the benefit of the doubt. So, to answer you question, if they don’t live up to my expectations, give me what I need in the relationship as I try to give them what they need, then yes, I will move on.

      It took me years, and a lot of therapy, to realize that it’s not selfish to expect something out of a relationship and have one’s needs met. I welcome and enjoy the opportunity to support the vision of a friend, partner etc. yet it is important to me that they do the same for me. I firmly believe that I have to be happy with myself before I can make someone else happy, be it my child, my spouse, a lover or a friend. Thanks for sharing. I appreciate it.

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