What constitutes being lesbian?

The other day, I was deep in conversation with a friend of mine regarding sexual orientation.

My friend, who will remain nameless, is of the contention that if two women sometimes sleep together, are lesbian. This despite the fact that they prefer relationships with men.

love starts right hereMy opinion is that if two women occasionally have sex together, that does not make them lesbian. Since they prefer men in general, they are really heterosexual or bisexual at best.

My reasoning is that if they really do prefer sex and relationships with men, they cannot by definition be lesbian. What’s wrong with being open to the pleasures of sex, regardless of from where one finds it. I grant you, they may be bisexual but that this does not make them lesbian or gay for that matter.

Personally, I hate tags, such as gay, lesbian, straight or whatever. We humans are who we are and we like what we like. In my opinion in this situation, being a lesbian means that you’re a woman who prefers relationships with other women and not men.

My friend thinks that any girl-on-girl scene makes them lesbian, at least to the general public. I say, lesbian is a way of life and a sexual orientation, not just a scene here or there. Perhaps they have seen to many porn movies. I don’t know.

Help me out here. Am I wrong? Is my friend wrong? Are we both wrong?

I feel that there is no clean-cut answer but I’m willing to accept public opinion. Share your thoughts with me and help me out. No, wait. Help us both out, my friend and I. Thanks in advance for your thoughts. I really appreciate it.

One thought on “What constitutes being lesbian?

  1. Janet

    I read your latest blog with great interest. I agree with you that women who may ‘experiment’ with same sex relationships do not consider themselves lesbian. I think back to women who have been interviewed and have been asked this specific question and discuss their behavior as more of an experimentation not necesarily a sexual orientation. They think of themselves as heterosexual.

    No doubt in your books, there are women who have sexual relationships with both sexes and no orientation is discussed. It goes to the culture of that society and the availability of a partner. Think Roman times and the sexual activities of that era and now concentrate on your writings, ‘The Taste of Honey’ and ‘Broken Steele’. It is apparent to me that sexual activity is considered a norm in the culture created and there is lesbian as well as hetero sex. The reader can make assumptions with the main characters yet the only character, Honey, states and demonstrates her love for her Master Lee.

    There is obvious various opinions on people’s sexual orientation and as stated on Steinfeld, ‘not there is anything wrong with it’ yet still in our culture, there are mixed feelings about the subject.

    I do applaud that we can have this discussion openly and maybe from it, opinions will change. The end result is to embrace diversity for all.

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