Whirlwind nearly over, part 2

The other day, I wrote about why I had been pretty quiet of late. I moved from one home to another. The big question is … why did I not write about the move before now?

14269901_s
Snow Bird

It all has to do with a dear friend of mine. He and his wife have been bugging me for years to sell my home and move to one near them. I love them dearly and yet, I loved the house I used to live in. Frankly, I resisted the urge to up and move. They are also snow birds. For those of you who don’t know the term, it means that they fly to their winter home in Florida and return in the spring. Yup, they roost in the warm sunshine of Florida while I live and work in the North East snows and cold weather.

17059963_sSince the decision to sell and move occurred while they were in Florida, I decided I wanted to surprise them. Since they read this blog, I couldn’t write about it till now. The more I thought about it, the more the evil in me wanted to surprise them.

Yes, you guessed it. The surprise has been sprung. Last week as a matter of fact. They returned a week ago Monday and we all met up for dinner at my place. The old place and were they ever in for a surprise. The sold sign on the front lawn and closing happening the following day. They were shocked and speechless.

Together, we all went out from dinner, saying goodbye for the last time to the old house, ate a fabulous meal while we spilled the beans on everything we had hidden from them. After dinner, we all went to the new house and introduced them to it.

Can you feel the evil grin on my face throughout all this?

They also surprised us by showing up with a new car, which they bought while still in Florida. I am looking forward to entertaining and playing domino’s with them and the lady in my life long into the evening. Their closing comment to the two of us was ‘You done good.’

I couldn’t be happier.

 

Essay on self marketing.

Instead of writing, I have been studying. My research includes a plethora of books, websites I’ve found, webinars, and social media threads. What am I studying?

By now, you know that I am an author, independently publishing my books on Amazon and all of various eBook outlets and distributors. I also have some of my books available as paperbacks. I created a website to promote my creative works. Yes, I am also an artist. I paint and draw for fun. I don’t actively sell my art.

I focus my attentions on my writings. I write creative fiction. My stories revolve around mystery and suspense stories of an erotic nature. Some tell me that one series of my books are akin to science fiction. Frankly, I was surprised by that comment. I never thought of them that way. They are set thousands of years in our future but does that make them sci-fi?My other series of books tend to focus on criminal acts of assault, torment, and murder. These books are not science fiction.

What I am not, is a marketer. In all of my education, I have never studied marketing. I don’t know how to market myself, my products nor even my career. I have a master’s degree in Information Technology. I never took even a single course on how to market myself. How is that even possible?

Today, I am studying marketing. More specifically, I am studying how to market myself and my books. Frankly, it’s a daunting task. I’ve encountered setbacks, mistakes, and minor successes. I’ve spent thousands of dollars hiring marketing people, test adverts, rebuilding my websites, and learning.

I’ll be the first to admit. I don’t know what I’m doing. I make mistakes, lots of mistakes. I am slowly learning. It’s frustrating. I listen to experts. I work hard to implement the lessons I’ve learned. I am intelligent. I know my mission. I found good people. I found people who don’t get me or my vision.

Taste of Honey book cover 3D
The Taste of Honey

I found people who tried to tell me to sell to a target audience that I instinctively knew was wrong. In one such lesson, I was advised to target the LGBT community because they were simply a smaller target group but big enough to make progress in new sales. Was this wrong?

No, I don’t think so. The problem? Since my stories include women kissing and having sex together, made the stories perfect in targeting the LGBT community.

The trouble was, these characters are heterosexual. In the universe I created, they simply don’t have any stigmas against same-sex intercourse. They don’t share today’s morality related to sex and relationships. This person didn’t get it. Fine. Move on. Lesson learned.

Today, I am studying. I am researching. I am learning. In short, I’m trying. I am determined. I’m opening a new chapter in my training. Come what may, it will work or not. I’ll keep on trying, working, and figuring it out. Wish me luck.

Sleep Loss Dumbs You Down

Lately, I’ve not been sleeping through the night. Try as I might, I wake up for good between 4 and 4:30 a.m. Over the past year, I’ve been doing okay, but this last week, not so good, and I’m at a loss. I have no significant stress in my life. Life is good. I have no worries to deal with or other such crap. In fact, up until this past weekend, I’ve been writing, reading, doing well at work and performing my annual winter cleaning of the house. As I wrote above, life is good.

So, why this week, can I only get four to five hours sleep? Beats me.

How is this effecting me?

I wake up, lie in bed trying to fall back. No good. I get up, shower and dress, go to work. I’m doing my job, albeit, I’m not firing on all cylinders. That is, I’m not up to my usual efficiency.

I get home and I can’t get my mindset in a creative mode. I can’t write, I can’t draw, I can’t even plan dinner. And oh, I have the munchies. This is new for me. I don’t understand it. I know that my stomach if fine, but my brain keeps telling my mouth to eat. What’s that all about anyway?

I did some more research on sleep deprivation. After reading about all of the usual stuff, I stumbled on this page from WebMD. #2 on the list refers to ‘Sleep Loss Dumbs You Down’.

http://www.webmd.com/sleep-disorders/excessive-sleepiness-10/10-results-sleep-loss

"Sleep plays a critical role in thinking and learning. Lack of sleep hurts these cognitive processes in many ways. First, it impairs attention <check>, alertness <√>, concentration <√>, reasoning <√>, and problem solving <√>. This makes it more difficult to learn efficiently. During the night, various sleep cycles play a role in 'consolidating' memories in the mind. If you don't get enough sleep, you won't be able to remember what you learned and experienced during the day <√>."

Everyone of these points is how I feel right now. The trick is, what to do about it.

Number 4 on the list is the worst. “Lack of Sleep Kills Sex Drive”. I don’t need to read that blurb to know exactly what they are about to report. I’m feeling it and for a writer and painter that dabbles in erotica, this is awful. How can I capture on paper or canvas a sex scene if I can ‘t feel it myself.

The rest of the article goes on with the other effects of lack of sleep. So, that to do about it?

  • Block out adequate nighttime sleep period? <√>
  • Keep distractions out of bed? (Reserve your bed for sleep and sex.) <√> (Hard but doable.)
  • Set a consistent wake-up time? <√>
  • Gradually move to an earlier bedtime? <√>
  • Set consistent, healthy mealtimes? <√>
  • Exercise? (ok, I need to work more on this despite the fact that I was sleeping better before this week.)
  • De-clutter your schedule? <√>
  • Don’t go to bed until you’re sleepy? <√> (Trouble is, I’m sleepy even now, first thing in the morning.)
  • Don’t nap late in the day? <√>
  • Create a relaxing bedtime ritual? <√>
  • Avoid “nightcaps”? <√> (Well, in desperation, I tried a glass of red wine to see if it would help. Not so much.)

Am I depressed? No. Sleep apnea? Yes but it’s been successfully treated for three years now. PTSD and Anxiety? No, at last I don’t believe so.

Maybe I need more than a single glass of wine. I’m also thinking about a new mattress. As nice as the one I have is, it is getting on in years and I’ve slept on hotel ones that are much better. What I will not do is use a pill.

If any one has any ideas, I would love to hear about them. Write me, comment on this post, whatever. I need to get back to creative writing. If I don’t, I’ll go nuts anyway.

Muses

Who is your muse?

As part of the series of interview questions, I was asked these questions. “Who is your muse?” and “Who do you turn to for ideas when you get stuck?”

Stream of consciousness eyeThe answer is complicated but isn’t it always? For me, it depends upon the time frame of my life. Overall, there have been three muses in my life. Two I still use today.

The first was Darlene or Dar for short. Everyone called her Dar. Over a decade ago, Dar helped me learn the techniques to express myself in the visual arts. She started out as a mentor, showing me how to properly put pencil to paper and to put paint to canvas. Over time, we became more than that and we shared much of ourselves with each other. We would bounce ideas off each other, share our artwork and spend other more relaxing activities together. We could communicate on many levels. Over time, I had yet another upheaval in my life and I lost touch with her. There are days when I miss her presence in my life and think of her.

For a long while, I didn’t really have a muse I could turn to ideas from. I did have a girlfriend who thought I did a really could job capturing the human form but in the end, she didn’t help inspire me. I got more ideas from the internet than I did from her. Need I say more?

lips with luscious red lipstickThen I met my current girlfriend who is now my committed partner in life. We share everything, including honesty in our beliefs. I love that about her. I can tell her anything about me. I can tell her my deepest, sometimes darkest, thoughts and feelings. Sometimes she can’t stand to hear some of the stuff that bounces around in my head. However, she is a smart, intelligent lady who can deal with my shit. Most importantly, she allows me the freedom to share and I love that about her. Of course, she can share herself with me in the same way and I strive hard to give her the same satisfaction as she gives me.

The other person whom I look to as my muse is really a good friend. We’ve never shared a bed, nor been more than a good friend to each other. She is in a committed relationship with her husband and I am very happy for her. We have a lot in common. We are both trying to get our individual businesses off the ground. Our problems in that regard are similar but also different. Her business is mostly local and she can directly interact with her customers. Mine is global and I have no idea who most of my customers are.

Yet, when we need to confer, exchange ideas and ask opinions of each other, she is one I will look towards. She thinks like me and we share many of the same interests. My girlfriend is very vanilla and until she met me, had little knowledge of the lifestyle I am close to. My other muse is in the same lifestyle as I am. She appreciates the subtleties of my characters and their development. She understands my characters and what motivates them.

So, when I need to bounce ideas for an entire storyline, I turn to my girlfriend. When I need to confer the subtleties of my characters and their motivations, I turn to my other muse.

Coffee in front of steamy windowLast night, for example, we met for coffee just to catch up. As much as I tried to avoid talking about my next book we somehow migrated to it. I expressed that I thought my main character was too much of a wuss and that she was acting out of character. She helped me with ideas to strengthen her character and bring her back in line with what the storylines expect.

Between the two of them, I have found a happy place. Each have their own perspectives, each offers me great ideas and each stimulate me in ways that neither could image.

Who do you use as a muse as you exercise your talents? I’ve shared with you and I hope you’ll return the favor.

Have a great day and a better tomorrow!

Creativity and Life

The Return of the Archons
Star Trek (c) Paramount Studios
"Without Freedom of Choice, there is no Creativity. Without Creativity, there is No Life." 
Captain James T. Kirk in 'The Return of the Archons'.

I recently saw this quote and it got me thinking. Yes, thinking can hurt and it’s a favorite tease in my house. As I reflect on the quote, I can’t help wonder about the accuracy of the words.

I’ve known my entire self-aware life that humans only grow and thrive because of the challenges we face and overcome. What I had never considered before was just how we figure out what we need to do to overcome and grow.

Just how did we advance our species from a caveman to the technological society we enjoy today? Assuming we don’t destroy ourselves, I presume our species will grow exponentially. Who knows where we’ll be a thousand years from now. Just look how far we’ve come in the last thousand years.

creative in printed dictionaryAs I considered the question, it suddenly occurred to me that perhaps the answer to the question was our capacity to be creative. Not just in the arts but also in the sciences. As a whole, our species have a tremendous talent to think outside the box. We can consider a question and instead of looking for the immediate answer, we also look at both relevant and unrelated concepts to determine whether there is something there that can advance the answer.

If this quote is true and I have no reason to believe otherwise, it’s our creativity that allows us to grow and thrive. It’s our creativity that advances us one after the other.

Consider if you will what would we, as a species, be like if we did not have any sort of creativity. Take any example in the history of the human race. Keeping it simple, let’s postulate this scenario. You live on an island and you eat the fruit of the tree to live on. There’s plenty of fruit and you eat readily. It’s all you’ve ever eaten, It’s all you have ever needed to eat. Year after year, you eat the fruit and nothing else. After all, there’s plenty to go around and you’ve never wanted for anything else.

Then one day, a storm comes through and wipes out every single fruit tree and the crop you’ve come to depend on is suddenly gone. A few days later, you’re hungry. You’ve never been so hungry in you entire life. You’re starving and on the verge of dying. Yet, living right along with you are chickens, ducks, and other small animals.

If you had never eaten a chicken before, without creativity to solve the problem, would you? Would you eat a chicken? Would you even think to try it? Without the concept of creative thinking, to think beyond your experiences and teachings, I contend that you would not. You would starve to death. If you represent the entire human species, then our species would be extinct.

The Return of the Archons
Star Trek (c) Paramount Studios

I contend and believe that our capacity for creative thought is what allows us to grow, thrive, and advance.

What do you think? Could we do so? Can the human race grow and continue to advance without our capacity for creative thinking?

I look forward to reading your comments. Please, feel free to add to the discussion in the field below.

This is Richard Verry, pondering yet another aspect of life on this planet we all share. Until next time, have a great day!

Teaching me to Fish

For the last couple of days, someone who many of you know, alright, my friend Leah Hart, has been teaching me to write story blurbs. At first, I didn’t understand the term ‘blurb’ in the context of my books. Even that, she had to drill into me.

boy fishingIt’s been a hard road for me and fraught with stress and frustration. I woke up this morning feeling like I was back in grammar school and earning a failing grade on my assignments. Crap! I even went into work this morning telling the story and describing my feelings. Normally, a ‘B+’ or ‘A’ student, I felt I had earned nothing more that a ‘D’. It was agonizing.

Chasing almighty dollarPart of me kept saying to myself, “Just write the damn thing for me. I’ll then use it as a model for the future.” And yet, she held back, probably shaking her head in her own frustration over my lack of progress.

I believe I’m good at writing stories and plot concepts. I also know that I suck at marketing, selling and that talent one has in getting someone to buy. I’ve met a lot of people over the years who could sell snow to a polar bear. Me? I’ve never had that talent. Which is why I hire people to help me.

Yet, I am aware enough that until I can get a major publisher to pick up my contract or get a movie producer to buy the movie rights to my stories, I have to do much of it myself. As much as I struggle in learning this talent, I know I need to do it.

28062560_sI need to fish rather than have the fish handed to me. I can’t help wishing it could be different but for now, that is not to be.

So, I’m back to school and studying the techniques Leah and others have been trying to pound into my head.

OUCH! That hurts. I jest as I rub the back of my head. It does hurt and I’m not too shy to say it. It does and I appreciate those that help me fish. Thank you Leah. Thank you to all of my mentors, whether I know you personally or whether you’re one of the hundreds of articles I have read on the topic.

This is Richard Verry, reporting to you live from the single room school house all alone and with lots of homework to do.

Lost Opportunities

This morning, I read a post on Facebook by my friend Leah Hart about an experience she recently had. In that post she revealed that two days ago, she had a terrific idea for a new novel. At the time, it was crystal clear in her head and she knew exactly what to do to write it.

However, she’s also a terrific wife and mother. At the time, her young children were ill and needed her mothering, which she gladly supplied. Family first. I get it and I agree completely. After tending to her children, helping them get through their discomfort, she took a moment for herself to write down her ideas.

Oh sh!#.

Those ideas are now what I call ‘vaporware’. In tending to her children, the story idea didn’t get a chance to imprint itself onto her brain, and the brain did what normally does. It cleaned house.

IdeasOur brains are wonderful organs. They capture and store significant amounts of information. Information that we use each and every day. It also stores memories, experiences and all sorts of stuff so that we can learn from our mistakes and improve our every day lives.

The trouble is, our brains also have only so much capacity. Granted, some brains have more than others. Still, it’s a fact that if we don’t use those thoughts and apply them to our lives when they first bounce around in our noggins, then our brains are trained to clear them away to make room for new stuff.

It sucks. I know all too well. I have been a victim of this phenomena many times over.

I used to keep a notepad on me all the time to write these notes down for followup later. The result as you might guess, page after page, notebook after notebook of ideas that clutter up my home and rarely get referred to. So, then I tried using a white board. I have it prominently mounted in my home office where I do the bulk of my creative work. As I walk by, I can glance at it and recall at an instance, just what that idea was. ‘Better’. That board is so full of notes that it’s hard to see the white behind the black of the dry erase marker. Now, it’s almost a chore to keep it up to date and if anyone knows me, I hate doing chores. I do them, but I hate it.

With the advent of the smart phone, ‘Siri and Ok Google’ where speech to text has evolved to be practical, I began using the ‘speech to text’ features of my smart phone to capture and write down ideas. Much better and almost doable. I have my phone set up so that as I dictate my notes, those notes are written down and uploaded to my cloud account.

It works though I do have a funny story to go with it. One day, I was sitting in a café eating lunch, when an idea flashed through my brain. Great. A perfect opportunity to write down my idea. I whipped out my phone and tapped the icon. Who doesn’t keep their phone with them at all times? As soon as I did, I opened my mouth to begin speaking when lo and behold, I saw words appearing on my screen. And I wasn’t talking. Huh? Turns out the microphone was so sensitive that it was picking up the conversation of the people at the next table over. Wow! I thought. How cool is that. I was reading on my phone what they were talking about. All the personal details of their lives were being captured, converted to text and uploaded to my cloud account. I erased them but still ….

Since that day, I am careful to watch what I say, not just to the people whom I am sitting with but also to the strangers at the tables nearby. Word to the wise!

What have I concluded from these experiences my brain captures every second of every day? I get up at 4 o’clock in the morning and write. Many of my best ideas, dialog and scenes appear in my mind while I am in that half awake / half asleep state. I’ve trained my mind that if those ideas are good enough, to get the hell out of bed and write it down.

The scene, dialog, whatever won’t be perfect and will need editing. But, I’ve captured the idea and I can use it productively.

So, in the evening and right after dinner, when I seem to be checking out, my eyes drooping and it’s obvious I am looking for my bed, just know this. My day started at 4am and it’s been very productive. By 8pm, I’m tired, run down and ready to shutdown for the night. It sucks some days but that’s the way it is.

And oh, btw way. I started writing this about 5am, about a half hour after I woke up with an idea and I saw Leah’s post. Oh, shit. What was that idea that I had at 4am anyway?

You sometimes describe yourself as ‘deviant’. If you consider yourself normal, why is that?

Let’s go back to Webster’s Dictionary definition of the word.

Deviant def: ‘different from what is considered to be normal or morally correct.’

Now mind you, I say that I am sometimes a deviant from the side of my mouth, in jest. Yet, I do feel that at times. I was raised in a traditional home with  liberal thinking parents and a house full of female siblings. I instinctively know that I think differently from so many people around me. Most of my community, including family and friends, are more traditional in their thinking than I. They are more conservative and middle of the road in their thinking. They aren’t open-minded and appear to be set in their ways.  

Normality, as in the American dream, was what I ever known. Religious, hard working, earning a living  and eating dinner at 6 pm with the family was my norm.

You get the picture.

Stand out in a crowdMe, I don’t subscribe to this view of life. It’s way too ‘vanilla’ for me. I rebelled from this mindset when I became an adult. I believe in whatever makes you happy so long as it doesn’t hurt someone else.

I believe in the right to love who you want, sleep with whomever, one on one or more. I believe in monogamy, polygamy and group marriage even though I don’t believe I could deal with the stress of multiple spouses. One is quite enough, thank you very much.

I believe in sharing and loving without reservation. With that, I do have expectations in those whom I love. I believe in polyamorous family units. I believe in same-sex marriage. I believe in being single as well, if it suits you.

I believe in power exchange in adult play among consenting partners.

I believe in doing what’s best for myself, my family and my friends. I believe in giving of myself. I believe that it is okay to have expectations from those you love. They say ‘you can’t choose your family but you can choose your friends’. I say you can choose both. If family or friends don’t live up to your expectations and can’t offer you what you need, then I choose to find a new family and new friends.

Not that I live outside society’s norms. I will, however, try to rise above society’s expectations and pull the rest of you along with me, if I can. If I see that you have something to offer to help me rise to greater heights, I will accept whatever gifts you offer in attaining growth and enlightenment.

So to that extent, I consider myself a deviant … also normal.

Normal? What is normal?

Do you consider yourself ‘Normal’?

Of course I do. I feel that I am the most normal guy one could meet.

Sometimes, my girlfriend has a different opinion. From reading, editing to discussing my books and novellas, she thinks I’m something different. I suppose and hope that is why she likes me. Just to remind everyone, we’ve been together for over twelve years.

Having said all that, let’s get back to the question. I spoke recently about the imagery that flies around in my head all day. I suppose that makes me different, since I am convinced that most others don’t have those experiences yet abnormal? No way!

Webster’s Dictionary defines normal as:

  1. a: according with, constituting, or not deviating from a norm, rule, or principle
    b: conforming to a type, standard, or regular pattern
  2. occurring naturally <normal immunity>
  3. a: of, relating to, or characterized by average intelligence or development
    b: free from mental disorder

Open bookWhen I compare myself to Webster, if there is any question, then by definition, I am normal. While I am unique, I also personally know hundreds of people and by extrapolation, millions who think like me and enjoy similar interests as I do and follow the same shows, hobbies and genres. In so many ways I conform to standards and patterns that society expects of me. I work for a living, pay my taxes, maintain my own home, take the garbage out and enjoy a daily shower. That last is really important.

My mother carried and delivered me naturally, though she told me later that I almost killed her as I wanted to come out sideways. She tells me that they had to push me back in, turn me around before delivering me. Does that make me abnormal? No, I don’t believe so. Breech births do happen. Of what I know now, if I was born more than a hundred years ago, neither me, mom or my sisters might not be around. Medicine back then wouldn’t be equipped to handle the difference from a normal birth.

psychiatric hospitalAm I categorized as of having average intelligence? I think so. I definitely know that there are people smarter than myself and others who are not. That makes me normal.

That leaves ‘free of mental disorder’. That’s a subjective term in so … many ways. While I know that there is scientific, medical definitions of various mental disorders, no one has ever accused or diagnosed me of having one.

I can only conclude I am normal. What about you? Do you consider yourself normal? If so, why? If not, really? I want to hear from you. Perhaps I can turn your story into a book. We should chat. You can use the comment section below to get started. I would so enjoy hearing your story.

Endless Repeat

golddustwoman-takeyoursilverspoonEndless Repeat

When I write or paint, I tend to put on music so that I can stay focused on what I’m doing. The other day I was discussing music with a friend of mine. It got me thinking.

I play ‘Gold Dust Woman’ by Fleetwood Mac on endless repeat for hours while I write or paint. While I like this song, it is not my favorite. It’s only when I sit in my studio and work that I will put this one on endless repeat. It’s my go to song to play when I want to get lost in my project. Perhaps it is the catchy tune, the driving beat or just something that soothes my thoughts. I just like it. Therefore the CD is always nearby and ready to play.

golddustwoman-stevienicksIt really doesn’t matter what the project is either. I could be sketching a rough draft, drawing a final composition, painting in oils and watercolors or writing chapter after chapter of my new book. The song somehow allows me to disappear into my project. Lost in the realm I’m creating, the words seem to flow effortlessly to the keyboard, the paint flows from my brush to the canvas and the pencils and pastels blend smoothly across the paper. I’m in Heaven, Valhalla or any place one associates with a perfect alternate reality.

gold dust womanHours later, I will emerge pleased with the progress I’ve made. After consuming food and drink, I come back and review my progress. I rarely find something that I want to touch up or change. I can only think that the trance I’m in somehow enhances the quality of my work.

After emerging, I am often surprised by how long I was gone, disappeared in this trance. And yes, I am in a trance. I recognize and welcome it. I am most annoyed when I am forced out of it by some external influence. “Sorry honey if I snapped at you. You’ll forgive me. Right?”

Time to get back to work. Now, where did that CD go now?