Category: creativity

Concussion headache

Trying, I really am

September 28, 2016

Trying, I really am

It’s been awhile since I wrote. I trust you don’t mind. I do hope you missed me.

The after effects of my concussion limit my screen time, and what’s worse, my creative thinking is at an all time low. Frankly, it sucks. I worry that it won’t return soon.

Concussion-photo
Will this headache ever go away?

In looking at my notes for story lines etc., I know that I had a good fix on the story line for each of my notes. Now, when I review them, it’s not so clear. It’s scary; that’s what it is.

Instead, I decided to focus my energies on editing the first draft of my latest book, ‘Lucky Bitch.’ Easy enough. I am managing to get through maybe two chapters a day before I have to stop and rest for several hours. That equates to one hour of screen time for every five or so hours of rest. It’s barely enough to get through the day. Even so, I have to take frequent breaks during my screen time to get anything done. Nerve racking, to say the least.

Back to editing. I use the tools I have available to me, read the book, chapter by chapter, fix the grammar, pay attention to the plot lines, verify the continuity of the story and so forth. All well and good. Right?

Okay, so I get to the second to last chapter, and I realize that I have to rewrite the entire section. WTF? The subject outline of the chapter is all wrong. I covered that plot line in Chapter 19, one-third of the way into the book. Oh, shit! What the hell am I going to do now? My creative thought processes are worthless at the moment. I have no doubt that they will return but honestly, when?

Concussion bannerDoc told me on Monday that I may be suffering the after effects of this concussion for the next two years. TWO YEARS? Oh, my fricking lord. That, after getting a pair of nerve block injections in the back of my neck in an attempt to stop the headache. So far, I’m on my third day and the headache, while diminished, remains constant.

As I review what I am going to do, I’ve decided this much. I will print out the two chapters and hand them out to my beta readers. I’m going to let them tell me which version they like better. Once done, I’ll incorporate the winner into Chapter 19.

In the meantime, what to do with Chapter 43, the second to last chapter of the book. Chapter 43 is intended as a vehicle to get the main character, Mona, away from home for the day, and acts as a setup for the closing chapter, crucial to the book.

So, that’s where I am. I’m jotting down notes as they come to me. Frankly, they’re not worth much at this point. Maybe I’ll stumble onto something. Either way, it may help in the recovery of my creative thought processes. Damn, I never thought I would miss not having them.

So, until next time, this is Richard Verry, Writer signing off and crossing my fingers to get back to where I need to be. Fans, I love you all. Thanks for your patience.

Headache prevents life

Down for the count

September 10, 2016

Down for the count

Yes, that’s right. I’m down for the count and thinking about throwing in the towel.

What do I mean by that, you ask?

Don’t worry. I’m not giving up or anything, except for what pertains to the ramifications of my concussion. As many of you know, I suffered a severe concussion back in July. What I don’t do too much is share my experiences with it. Maybe, perhaps, I should.

Headache prevents lifeFor the last week, the headaches have been awful. They have been constant since my original injury and don’t seem to be progressing much. As I have learned more about my condition, I have come to terms that I may be experiencing my symptoms for months to come.

I’ve learned that on the pain scale, they range from a morning waking of 1-2 and generally climb from there. Some days are good, though those are a rarity. Generally, by mid afternoon, it reaches somewhere in the 4-6 range. Frankly, it sucks and I am tired of dealing with it.

My quality of life has suffered. I am still missing work. I’m missing social engagements and family time is suffering as well. I have an extreme sensitivity to light and noise. Cacophonous noise is particularly bad. Cognitive thought is difficult, my handwriting has diminished and my spelling sucks. Thankfully, spell check helps here.

What really is making me nervous is how my thought processes have changed. All my life, images and scenes have flooded my mind all the time. Since my childhood, there’s not an hour of the day where I have not noticed this imagery flowing through my mind. I have written about them in the past as they are a part of me.

And now — they’re gone. I’ve not had an image in a really long time. I miss them.

I need them and want them back. So, I officially know that I am down for the count. I’m considering throwing in the towel. Boxing terms related to capitulation for those who don’t know what I mean.

Why? This past week has been particularly difficult. I barely make it through work and when I get home, all I can do is think about doing nothing. Absolutely nothing. Today, Saturday, I literally spent most of the day in my bedroom with the shades pulled and the doors locked. I got up a little while ago and took a shower. That little action has allowed me to write this blog to let you know why I have been quiet lately.

So please, bare with me. This is my issue and I don’t mean to off load on you. However, I thought it important to let you know what is going on with me. Hopefully, I will progress enough to get back into the swing of things.

And please, I need my imagery back. I want to get back to writing. Time is short and I am anxious, nervous and restless. I’ve never rested this much in all my life and I hate it. Back to bed after I send this.

Regards all, and I hope you are all doing well. Till next time ….

Cappuccino

Happy Monday

September 5, 2016

Happy Monday

Today in the U.S.A., is Labor Day, marking the last unofficial day of summer in my country. It’s starting out as a beautiful day. It’s six o’clock in the morning, the sun is just rising, and there’s dew damping everything not covered. A low fog clings to the ground, trying desperately to hang on to life as the rising sun burns off its moisture. It’s a losing battle and eventually, the sun will win.

Cappuccino
Cappuccino my way

It’s wonderful to watch it happen. Life is all around me. Birds have been awake for a while now and later, the insects of the field will being to chirp, giving way to frogs croaking towards the end of the day. I love watching it all happen.

I’m drinking my morning coffee right now, savoring its delicate flavors as sip after sip washes over my tongue on its way to the back of my throat and eventually down. Speaking of coffee, be sure to check out my Twitter poll regarding Cappuccino and vote your preference. I could drink it anytime and I have. However, I surprised to find out that there is a cultural preference as to when it is acceptable to drink it and when not to. Go check it out and see how others are voting.

Well, enough ramblings. I have to get back to enjoying the morning before it slips away. In the meantime, have a wonderful day.

Happy Birthday Tist

Happy Birthday! Tist

August 19, 2016

Happy Birthday TistHappy Birthday Tist

Today is the birthday of the new husband of a very close and dear friend. Wishing ‘Tist’ the very best birthday. I look forward to celebrating it with you this evening.

Now watch the picture closely.

Follow the swinging bauble.

It’s going to be a great day!

You’re becoming relaxed.

There you go.

Relax … relax.

Listen to the sound of my voice and think of a pleasant place, a place that is quiet and where you at peace.

Peaceful, isn’t it.

Relax even further. Let your arms rest comfortably on the arm rest. There you go. Feeling relaxed?

Good … now … what’s your pin number.

…

Just kidding. Have a great day, buddy. I’ll see you later.

 

 

My Home is My Castle

How are my books different from other books on the market?

July 20, 2016

Are they different? I certainly hope so. I spent a long time trying to find storylines that others hadn’t already written about. So, yes, they are.

First, a little background. I am an avid reader. I’ve been reading since I can remember, somewhere about the age of six. By the time I was in 4th grade, I had read every ‘Hardy Boys’ books, every ‘Nancy Drew’, ‘Tom Swift’ and hundreds of others. I’ll never remember them all. I just remember having a voracious appetite for books.

Book-3D-loopI lived in worlds that others had envisioned. Worlds that either exists or could exist. I found ‘Star Trek’ when it first aired. I was reading all sorts of Science Fiction by then. ‘Star Wars’, ‘Battlestar Galactica’, ‘Firefly’, ‘Dr. Who’ and a host of others was easy to love. SciFi isn’t the only genre I like to read. I like to read historical dramas, erotica … well … let’s just say, fiction of all sorts.

Why am I telling you this? It’s because when I decided I wanted to write a novel, I didn’t want to redo what others had done. I knew I could write something in those worlds that was plagiarizing someone else’s work. I just didn’t want to write something remotely similar to everything I’ve ever read. I wanted something new, fresh and even controversial.

I came up with at least two different genres. One is brutal, graphically depicting the depravity of the human race. The other is a world where people respect, honor and support each other … well, most of the time. What’s a story without conflict? Both are paranormal fantasies.

I particularly like Mona Bendarova’s world. There is no war, no religion, no self-righteous do-gooders who push their agenda on others. People live in harmony, enjoying life to the fullest and sacrificing when necessary to ensure the continuation of the species.

What makes them different? I try to tell it real. I don’t like dancing around a scene. I’ve read a lot where the author paints a grand scene leading up to ‘the’ moment, only to fast-forward to the next scene. I hate that. I am left wanting and unfulfilled. I can be angry that the author chose to dance over the real action.

As in my paintings, I try to depict realistic scenes; be it sex, violence, love, or simple conversation. My scenes can be raw. They can be soft and sweet. What makes them different is that they are complete, uncensored depictions of human nature. It’s the real deal.

If you like realism, if you like the complete story, if you like the uncensored version, you’ll like my books. Enjoy and let me know what you think. I’m always interested in hearing what you, the reader, has to say.

Working Hard

June 28, 2016

All my life I have strived to do better, improve myself, help the community, love my family, and cherish my significant other. It’s hard work but it’s easy work as well. Seems like a contradiction, doesn’t it? I don’t see it that way. Take for example, the quote I just found.

“Working hard for something we don’t care about is called stress. Working hard for something we love is called passion.”

Working HardWhen I read this, I didn’t need to study it. My mind instantly went to points in my life where I felt each of these emotions. I’ve had my stresses in my life but once I’m past them, I tend to forget about them. The feelings remain but the facts fade. I guess I do that as a way of protecting myself and staying healthy.

Most poignantly are the passions in my life. Building a shelf, lashing a complicated structure to protect life and limb, painting a portrait to get it just right, writing and rewriting a piece of dialog for a story; these are all passions I love.

I pour my heart and soul into my passions. My girlfriend and significant other is the most important passion in my life. I tend to put aside other passions in order to do for her. Helping others, even the little things, is also important to me. Whether it’s offering a drink to a house guest, helping someone find their lost keys, or helping someone in distress, I do with the love of passion.

When I put aside time to work on my creative works, my passions really come alive. I recall and relive those feelings. I get lost in the creative process. Even now, as I write this entry, my body and soul are coming alive as these feelings flood every nook and cranny.

Time seems to slow or even stop. Adrenaline floods my body, my mind focuses on the work and everything else disappears. It’s a wonderful feeling. In my mind, I go somewhere else. Just ask anyone who has observed me in this state. I’m gone from this world and I’m in another world. I’m so far gone, that it frustrates my girlfriend to no end. Whether she wants to make dinner, spend time with me, or just ask my opinion, she finds it hard to break in. When I finally acknowledge the interruption, I can get upset, even angry. I lose my train of thought. I lose my mojo.

I don’t mean it. I would prefer to not snap and get upset. She doesn’t deserve the response and she tries to be patient but at times, not. Sorry honey. Together, we work it out, make adjustments and move forward.

Yet, I can’t get away from this alternate reality I go to in my mind when I’m creating, painting or writing. It’s fun. It’s addicting. It’s a far better alternative to prefering alcohol, drugs or just being a dickwad.

I can’t wait to re-enter the zone of my passions. What about you? What are your passions that you love.

Followup to Goals without a Plan

June 23, 2016

Yesterday, I wrote about goals without a plan is nothing more than a wish. In fact, I believe it’s more than that. It’s wishful thinking.

However, once you have the plan, you are already on the road to meeting your goals. For me, that’s the fun part. Taking the first step, then the next and then, the next one again. I’ve always believed that to reach the summit, you must put one foot in front of the other. Step over over the pebbles and eventually you’ll step over the stone, and eventually the mountain.

Earlier, I stumbled upon this followup quote.

“There’s no elevator to success. You have to take the stairs.”

Makes sense to me, despite that I wish that it were possible to jump ahead of the line and go right to the top.

No Elevator to SuccessThe image I’ve displayed shows the quote surrounded by a spiraling stair case. I can’t imagine how many steps it would take to climb that stair case and reach the top. Hundreds? Thousands?

However many there are, in real life, it takes much more to achieve our goals. My goals. I’ve spent decades learning, experiencing, and experimentation before deciding upon my goals. Some of my goals have fallen to the wayside in favor of newer, more interesting goals.

Do you know what I find if fun? Working on my goals, figuring them out and taking the steps to achieve them. For me, it’s sitting down in front of my computer and transcribing the dialog running through my head. It’s picking up a pencil or paint brush and putting it to paper or canvas. Adrenaline begins racing throughout my body. I’m excited and the imagery in my mind feeds off the adrenaline and suddenly, my fingers can’t move fast enough. Whether it’s typing on a keyboard or stroke after stroke of my pencil or brush, I pour my heart and soul into each creative work.

Years later, I can look at a painting I did, notice one of my books on the shelves and the excitement returns in an immeasurable instant. Every so often, I review Honey’s story in my book, ‘The Taste of Honey‘, and I’m filled with joy, wonderment and concern. I want her to be saved. I want her to thrive. I know that she has a goal in mind and that goal will survive death. She’ll make it happen. She has a plan. You’ll see as you delve into her world along with her best friend, Mona Bendarova.

Damn, I love what I do. I hope you do and if you don’t, well that’s okay too. You’re welcome to your opinion. Who am I to tell you what to think. So, to conclude, I hope I can instill this one thought and it’s a motto I’ve lived with my entire life. As far as I can tell, no one else has said this and I’ve repeated the mantra in my head every day of my adult life, and I’ve been around a while. I would be interested in your comments and responses. Please send me a note. I’ll be happy to read them.

My personal motto is this.

“Nothing is impossible. Everything is possible. It’s all in the attitude.” – Richard Verry

Don't Worry, Be Happy

Whirlwind nearly over, part 8

May 13, 2016

Don't Worry, Be HappyThings seem to be settling down since the shock of the change in employment status by my girlfriend and committed partner. The last 48 hours have been less stressful, we’re sleeping normally again, and I am not as worried about her as I was. Don’t get me wrong. I’m still worried about her but I’ve got it under control. Fortunately, she recognizes my paranoia. It’s there, no doubt. It’s an issue I will deal with. I worry but it’s my job to worry about her.

Does that mean I’ve gotten over my worrying for her emotional state? No, but I’ve learned that I can keep that to myself. She has enough on her plate. Speaking of, she dropped the line on me that shook me. She told me “I might just take the entire summer off.” I had not expected that but upon reflection it makes sense. What she was insistent on was that I had better “not tell her what to do”. Even better, never … ever say “we lost thousands of dollars this summer by you not working”.

No problem. If she even wants to take the fall off, by all means, go for it. If she wants to completely retire, then I’m okay with that as well. It’ll be a few years earlier than we had originally planned but so what. If it makes her happy, then I’m happy.

What does concern me were all of the future plans we had set up, which assumed her continuing to work full-time for the next couple of years. We had planned on buying a second home to winter at. Is that plan now in jeopardy? I really don’t know but I really want to spend my winters in the warm sun, drinking beers on the beach and write my books.

So, it is apparent to me that I will need to reevaluate the plan and adjust accordingly.

Don’t worry honey. I have your back.

Climbing the Broken Ladder

Whirlwind nearly over, part 7

May 11, 2016

Well, I knew it was too good to be true. Nearly over? Not quite.

7653712_sSure enough, Murphy’s Law kicked in. Mid-afternoon yesterday, our household was kicked in the gut. The love of my life, my girlfriend and partner in the house we purchased together, lost her job.

Granted, we knew it was a possibility. Under new management, the home health care agency she worked for was going through a transition. Not only is her entire department being retired, so are many of the community programs they maintained. By years end, hundreds of citizens who depend upon their services will have to find a new agency to get the needs they need and their respective doctors prescribe.Climbing the Broken Ladder

I was well aware of the transitioning but I never fathomed the scope it would take on. My GF knew that she needed to justify her job and she worked hard at making her immediate supervisor look good. Her efforts were for naught.

The first indication came yesterday when she received a text from her supervisor that she had been canned. Minutes later, the managers under the supervisor received an email to attend a mandatory meeting within the hour. Within minutes, it was announced that due to budgetary reasons, she was being let go and she was immediately walked out of the office, unable to collect her personal effects. Not that she did anything wrong, that’s just their policy.

Now, I know what it’s like to be involuntarily terminated. It’s happened twice in my career. She has never had the pleasure. I feel for her. She’s maintaining a great front, already networking etc. I know different.

She laid awake much of the night, staring at the ceiling. Normally, when up in the middle of the night, she’ll pull out her tablet and browse the web and social sites. Not last night. I could feel the turmoil boiling in her brain.

The crappy thing is that I know from personal experience, there is nothing I can do to help except be there when she needs me. When she does, I’ll hold her, hug her, let her cry on my shoulder, whatever she needs. I will help her as she has done for me. There is no advice in the world that will help her deal with her feelings. Together, we will get through this.

One thing I know, she’ll process the feelings, transition from stage to stage and come out on the other side a stronger woman. She’ll put it behind her and look forward to the next chapter in her life. Opportunities for her abound and she’ll make the best of them. Word is spreading fast and she has already received a suggestion to come work for another agency. She is holding off and taking the time to figure out just what she wants to do.

She’ll grow from the experience and be a better person for it.

Sorry hun and have a margarita. I love you.