Halloween is in two days

Halloween is in two days, and frankly, I don’t care. Yes, that’s right. My heart isn’t in it this year. Anyone who knows me knows that for as long as I can remember, Halloween is my favorite holiday, or is that was? I don’t know myself. I suppose I will know years from now.

What’s changed?

Let’s see. What’s changed. First, I now live in a fifty-five and up community. No one comes to the house for trick-or-treating. Only a few houses in my neighborhood decorate anything to do with the holiday. When they do, is a set of string lights and a pumpkin, which wasn’t carved into a jack-o’-lantern. How sad is that?

For the first six years living here, I tried to continue my festive decorations marking the holiday, but except for my friends and relatives, no one else seemed to notice. Once in a great while, I’d get a positive comment from a neighbor, but that didn’t seem to fill me with the delight I crave.

I ask myself, why go through all of that trouble and work to set up a display if they don’t appreciate it?

Moving on the Plan ‘B.’

Plan ‘B’ was to say, fuck them. I’ll just decorate the inside of my dwelling. In the old days, I’d go all out to decorate the inside and the outside. Some years, I’ve even had tours by the neighbors and other visitors to walk through the house like some sort of attraction. That was fun.

I loved seeing the looks on their faces when they would walk into the butcher room and see the carcass of a human being carved. Other times, they stumble on a game room filled with ghouls, ghosts, and skeletons playing poker.

Or how about the time they would find the shower scene in the guest bathroom right out of the movie ‘Psycho’ with appropriate music playing while the shower ran and the silhouette of a woman screaming as she was slaughtered, blood splatter on the walls and floor, bloody foot prints walking away from the murderous scene. Another scene had a someone apparently sleeping on the bed. One would swear the person was simply sleeping until you noticed the gallons of blood everywhere.

I loved setting up these scenes, just so others would enjoy them.

Halloween is in two days and nothing.

Yeah, Halloween is in two days and I’ve done almost nothing to commemorate it. Again, what’s changed?

I could say I’m tired of it, and maybe I am. But there is lots more to it. My post-concussion syndrome is a big part. For the last sixteen weeks, my constant 24x7x365 headache steadily grew from an average of 2 or 3 to a raging average of 6, with many episodes of 7 or 8. I even experienced my first ever 9 a couple of weeks ago. This being on a scale of 0-10. I’ve missed lots of days of work, and if I went to work, I’d arrive home only to collapse in bed or my lounge chair and not move until it was time for bed. I hate that.

Writing became difficult, and only possible on weekends after 10+ hours of sleep. My neurologist asks me occasionally, ‘what seems to help with my headaches?’ My answer is always, lots of sleep. Otherwise, I’m too tired to do much, such as chores around the house and making dinner. It’s easier, and more expensive, to pick up the phone for a food delivery.

What to do about it?

I keep muddling through. My partner and friends tell me I am excellent at hiding my condition, at least until it escalates into the stratosphere. I don’t feel that I get enough sleep each day. I swear my body needs 10 to 11 hours of sleep daily. That’s almost impossible to do while I am working. As such, I am working towards a reduced workload, maybe even changing jobs. There’s a lot to consider with lifestyle changes. I’ve done the math, I can manage, but I must consult with my attorney. There are other considerations to figure out, and I will do that.

What I am most concerned with is my quality of life. I can live life to the fullest with an average of a 1 or 2 daily headache. I’m not so sure when they average much higher. Wouldn’t it be nice if it would go to 0? I’m not holding my breath. I don’t think I can with a 5-8 daily headache.

The most important thing to remember is, I am not depressed about my condition, even if this post seems that way. I’m more annoyed that my quality of life is affected. Enjoying Halloween is one such occasion.

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