Richard Verry, writer

My writing and other stuff.

It’s been a while since I last wrote a blog entry, so you may wonder what’s happening with my writing and other stuff. Well, let’s get on with it, shall we?

I’m sorry to say, I haven’t written much in the past couple of months. I feel bad about that. However, there is a good reason, not because I suffer from writer’s block. I wish I were, but that is not the case. Were I, I would get over it and get writing.

No, the issue is much more difficult and emotionally draining.
So, what the fuck is going on, anyway?

Surprise!

I am dealing with a family medical illness for which there is only one outcome. The neurologist recently diagnosed my lady life partner of nineteen years with PSP or Progressive Supranuclear Palsy. It’s a rare, degenerative disease of the brain affecting 1 in 100,000 people for which there is no cure nor test to diagnose the condition short of autopsying the brain. Similar to Parkingson’s disease, PSP progresses faster than Parkingson’s. The average lifespan of someone with PSP is 5 to 10 years from the initial onset of symptoms. She is easily at least five years into it.

The doctor gave us the diagnosis about six to seven weeks ago. While I instinctively knew something was terribly wrong with her, not knowing what made it simple to deal with her condition. Yet, giving a name to her illness was just as important to us.

Denial and grief

After I heard its name, I took the news in stride, but later, I realized I was in a state of denial for about ten days. I didn’t want to know more, plain and simple. After that, I started reading about it, well behind my lady’s progress. The reality sunk in, and my gut started churning. It got so bad that I recalled the old song about ‘the worms crawl in, the worms crawl out, the worms play pinocle in my snout.’ It felt like an enormous mass of worms or snakes were moving around in my gut, eating me inside out. In time, that feeling relaxed but comes and goes without control.

I’m going to counseling, where I spill my guts, leaving the worms stuck inside me. As the primary home caregiver, I must deal with her family. Most are supportive and helpful. A daughter, who is very close to her mother, is less so. She lives a couple of thousand miles away, so her ability to care for her mother is limited. That doesn’t stop her from trying to control her mother’s care; ultimately, she takes out her frustration on me. I understand what she is going through. I only wish she would accept that I am also going through something. We both will soon lose someone we love and care for deeply.

While there is still time for my lady, I know the long-term prognosis and the end is not that far into the future. Therefore, I am already grieving. Thank you for your patience during this difficult time.

Light at the end of the tunnel

One day, I will move ahead enough to put more effort into my writing and other stuff. All I can do now is think about the story, jot notes down, and care for myself while I care for her. In the meantime, if you haven’t read any of my stories, check them out at RichardVerry.com. You might get hooked like thousands of other readers out there.

Comments Welcome

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Here are some links to learn more about PSP.

https://www.psp.org/iwanttolearn/progressive-supranuclear-palsy/#collapse-are-there-other–rare-types-of-psp
https://www.brainsupportnetwork.org/four-stages-of-psp-psp-association-uk/
https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/articles/6096-progressive-supranuclear-palsy
https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/progressive-supranuclear-palsy-psp/

Other sources are available by googling:

https://www.google.com/search?q=progressive+supranuclear+palsy