Bowl of Chocolates

Good morning everyone. As I sit here, at my desk, staring at my screen, I can’t seem to figure out what to write. As I struggle with short-term memory loss and difficult cognitive thought, I recalled a conversation I had the other day with the love of my life regarding a bowl of chocolates.

I think the phrase became popular from the movie ‘Forrest Grump’ though I could be wrong. However, it’s the meaning that I want to comment on. Imagine sitting on your sofa, staring at a bowl of chocolates sitting serenely on your coffee table. The chocolates are the kind that usually come in a box, divided and separated from each other, with different flavors and fillings. You know the kind.

So, the chocolates are sitting there, minding their own business. You sit there, yearning to eat one or two. Yet, there are kinds you know you will like and ones you will not. You’re stuck with indecision, unable to move, fearing that the one you select you’ll spit out.

At some point, you decide to move. Your hand stretches out, hovering over the bowl. Your fingers dangle just out of reach, while you struggle with which one you will choose. I’m sure you know what I mean, even if you don’t want to admit it to yourself. Sooner or later, desire overcomes your fear and indecision and you decide to take a chance. Popping one into your mouth, you await your fate. Did you chose poorly or did you choose wisely?

Right now, my life is kind of like this scenario. Yesterday, the doctor pulled me from work once again. Apparently, the last two visits revealed one important thing. Everything from my neck down is fine. It’s what’s above my neck that is not. Long story short, I found out that I am currently classified as partially disabled at least for the time being. Oh SHIT!!!!

What suffers most? My thinking processes. Cognitive thought. I use the term cognitive thought again and again but I struggle with just what the definition is. I used to know. I know that. Yet, if I don’t pull out the dictionary to remind myself, I can’t accurately define it. What’s worse? The imaginative, creative thoughts and images that used to flow through my head, remain quiet. It’s very disconcerting and disorienting.

For the next couple of weeks, my doctor intends to send me for more intensive follow-up work. I don’t know what will come of it. Sometimes, I feel like Two-Face. On one hand, they want me to curtail most of my activities and behaviors yet at the same time, I am to exercise my brain. To me, they are at odds with each other so I hope the therapy will clear that up for me.

So, for the short-term, my posts will be limited and hit-or-miss. Hopefully, I can get others to post some guest posts for me and/or get my girlfriend to be my secretary and transcribe my ramblings.

In the meantime, I hope you all have a good day and a better tomorrow.