I’m sorry to say; I don’t have much energy to say much. I’m still miserable with my ‘Post Concussion Headaches,’ and I really don’t want to talk about it with all of you. You don’t deserve it. I don’t like it when my own family can think of nothing else but sharing their aches, pains, and health issues in their lives so why should I add to the discomfort.
In the meantime, I’ve been struggling to figure out what to write about in what’s going on. The only thing I can think of is my latest book, ‘The Trafficking Consortium.’ It’s so close to primetime. That is — publication. After I finish this post, I plan on working further on it. But I don’t know. My attention to details in this endeavor is ever so important, and I don’t want to screw it up. But, I’m going to plug through it and make the best of it.
The trouble is, what to do next after this book is laid to rest. As my brain is still recovering, I don’t have an idea of what to write next. My creative thought processes have all shut down. Once in a while, I get a glimpse of an idea at four in the morning when I briefly wake-up, but it’s not enough to wrap an entire story around. At best, it may become a scene in a future story and then again, maybe not. All I can think of is to return to the third book in the Mona Bendarova stories, tentatively titled ‘Lucky Bitch.’ It needs work and a rewrite of a couple of chapters. I am hoping that I can figure that one out and in the process, stimulate a new story to write.
Find out how much fun an office meeting can be
The problem? As much as I love the first book, ‘The Taste of Honey,’ the characters, and the plot, I’m not sure I like the direction the second book ‘Broken Steele’ took Mona and her family. It’s getting very dark, and the community she lives in is becoming divided. Where once there was harmony among all, a growing discontent is splitting the mindsets of the population. Discord is growing as acts of terror are released upon the innocent and guilty alike.
I suppose my discomfort in the stories is a result of the growing friction in my own country where our citizens are splitting apart from within. It’s not something I care for, and I honestly don’t know what I can do to help.
However, my Mona stories could be an avenue with which to work out my issues, and perhaps, help the country to resolve its differences. One can only hope.
This is Richard Verry, signing off for now. Thanks for your support and spending your valuable time with my endeavors. If you haven’t read ‘The Taste of Honey’ yet, I urge you to give it a go. It’s available in paperback or eBook and Kindle at Amazon.com or your favorite eBook seller. Oh hey, it’s also available right here on my website, https://richardverry.com/stories/mona-bendarovas-stories/the-taste-of-honey.
Okay, it’s official. I’m miserable. I feel broken. Do you know when you see someone for the first time in a day, the usually greet you with “Hi! How are you?” You know they are expecting the answer “Fine.”
I can’t say it anymore. I just can’t. I finally came up with an appropriate response. “I’m miserable.”
“What? Oh, how come?” they respond with the obvious.
In my head, I’m thinking “Oh, shit. Not fucking again.” I want to scream at them and say “Duh!”
What I do say is “You know, it’s this thing that is constantly going on.” pointing to my head.
“Did they forget from yesterday? It’s the same shit every day, only everyday is a bit worse.” I’m thinking. Please stop asking “How are you.” I’d rather hear “Are you okay?”
I’ve relapsed and the pain in my skull is the worse I’ve ever felt since this all started. It feels like a crushing hand griping my entire skull and squeezing. Everything else seems to have resolved but the headaches? No. It’s almost as of my brain is saying in the only way it knows how. “Enough is enough already? Stop trying to fix me.” It’s true. Before my relapse, I was pushing hard to increase stimuli and repair the broken synapses in my brain. I guess I pushed too hard. The worse part? I thought I was about to resolve it all and return to normal. Shit!
For the first time in my life, I feel like I’m suffering. Oh yes, I am well aware that there are others all across the world suffering greater hardships and dealing with painful, even deadly situations. I get that. I really do. I feel for them and if I had it in my power to ease their suffering, I would. I do when I can, but it will never be enough.
However, I’m in pain. Each and every day. Some are worse than others, but over the past four weeks, my headaches have reached new heights. Most days, I’m barely making it through work, then on to an injury related appointment, be it physical therapy, counseling, doctor, or yet another damn assessment or test.
After that, I arrive home wiped out, depleted, and a mess. I lie down in bed, resting, often with my loving girlfriend lying next to me, trying to comfort me but honestly not knowing how. The fact that she is there, right there next to me, touching me, is comforting. Thank you hon. You may never truly understand how much you help simply by lying next to me, but trust me, it is a welcome respite from the painful crushing headache, if however brief.
I know I’m needy right now. I will not apologize for that. I need her more than ever, and I know she is just as frustrated with our lives right now as I am. I say this. Thank you, my love, for trying, and I beg forgiveness when impatience lashes out. I understand, even it takes a day or so to realize it.
I’m a mess and I know it. Thankfully, I do speak to a counselor, though these days, it’s more like venting and screaming the words that I can’t say anywhere else. That’s the thing. I keep so much bottled up inside because it’s just not right to vent to my girlfriend, coworkers and friends. They understand but there would be consequences to venting to them. I could lose my job, lose my friends and the worse would be isolation from my loving girlfriend who is the center of my world.
As for all my friends, family, and acquaintances, I have received your kind words, your reaching out to say, “I’m thinking of you.” et. all. They make me smile, and I plan on reaching back, especially in your time of need.
In the meantime, instead of making it through one day at a time, I’m working on making it one minute at a time. Now, if I can only just finish up my book and submit it for publishing, damn, I’m so far behind. I just know that I have to get these polishing touches just right. Not the story mind you. That’s done and put to bed. It’s all the blurbs, cover art, book categorizing, and a bunch of other things that can make a book a success or failure. You indie-publishers all know what I am talking about, it just has to be perfect from the onset. Then there is the guy who want’s to help publicize my work if I cooperate and help publicize his work. I’m excited at the prospect. I just can’t get the motivation going to do anything but survive right now.
Now, back to resting and sleeping. Thankfully it’s the weekend where I can get a break from the past week … maybe.
Till next time, I wish you a good day and a better tomorrow. I think about you, my fans, often and I look forward to the day where I can get back to normal. (Though, my girlfriend will be the first one to tell you, I’m not normal. I smile and say “Thank you, love.”)
Apologies all. I know I have been quiet lately. I had a relapse with my post concussion shit and my headaches reached new heights over the last three weeks. For the first time in my life, I truly feel like I am suffering.
I have been working hard over the past couple of months to increase the level of stimuli to my brain, in order to force it to repair the damaged nerve connections. It’s been working and I am progressing. I just think that my brain finally said ‘enough is enough. Give me a break already’ in the only way it knew how. By beating the shit out of me and intensive my headaches to new levels.
A nerve block into the back of my skull and plenty of rest (i.e., doing nothing but sleeping and parking myself in my recliner) seems to be helping. BTW, two needles into the back of my head was not my first choice. The burning and shooting pain that came with it almost took me down all together.
Add into the mix the numerous emotions as a result, and I was barely able to do much beyond my mandatory responsibilities. Yes, I’m not going to list all of the emotions I had to deal with over the past two weeks. I’ve made my girlfriend suffer enough as it was.
So while I have a few moments of clarity, I’m writing to you to let you know that I am thinking of all of you. I plan on continuing my regime of rest today, hoping that by tomorrow, I can start the work week off and not crash by mid-afternoon.
I’ll write when I can. And, I am oh so close to releasing my latest book, ‘The Trafficking Consortium.’ That’s first on my agenda when I can spend quality time on it. Stay tuned. Thanks for your understanding.
That’s right, too much of a good thing is often too much.
If you love ice cream, eating a cone every so often is a savory treat that coats your tongue with exploding flavors as its cooling succulence slips down your throat. Even eating it once a day, in small portions, is manageable. Force fed it continuously, hour after hour, every day, well I know that I will soon hate the stuff.
That’s how I feel about some bloggers I follow. Many I eagerly look forward to, soaking in their insights on the world around them. I enjoy reading about their inner struggles and their ways in coping with life.
What I don’t like are posts done six to ten times a day, touting this or that, or promoting their wares. I want to support them. I really do. However, I am finding that I simply delete the unread post from my inbox. I am treating the posts as junk mail. Yes, I know it’s not fair. However, is it fair to be inundated with a dozen posts or more every day? Nope. Perhaps you feel the same way?
Just over a year ago, I was working with a publicist that wanted me to post something of 300 to 600 words at least daily, more if I could manage it. The idea was that the more I post, the more people would find me, and follow. At the time, I knew nothing. I trusted what I thought of as an expert. So, I tried. Six months later, we parted ways, but I still decided to follow the recommendations.
What did it get me? I started hating the idea of posting an article, especially daily articles. It took a lot of time away from my novels, stories, and painting. I also started to feel like it was too much ice cream.
Fortunately, I suffered a severe concussion last summer that I am still dealing with the aftereffects today. What it did for me in posting articles was first, a well-needed break. Then, I had a whole new topic to write about and share.
In the writings, I knew that I had to give you, my readers, something they wished to read. I did not want to fill them with fluff about marketing my books. I wanted to give you want you liked. I also had trouble with cognitive and creative thought, so I landed upon the idea of posting the ‘Word of the Day.’ Using M-W, I used them to add my personal two cents to their daily word.
Easy I thought. The trouble was, I was really getting into researching the word, finding images to support the word and then adding my two cents. Towards the end of last year, I was spending upwards of two hours a day, fascinated by the word, and digging deeper into it. As the holidays rolled around, I found that I was, once again, getting tired of the daily grind of blogging.
As you may have noticed, I have since cut down my posts to once or twice a week. I can manage that, I think. Since my cognitive and creative streams of thought are slowly returning, I am writing once again, focusing on the final tweaks to my new book, ‘The Trafficking Consortium.’ I’m even thinking about a sequel to the story, but that’s down the road.
Limiting my posts gives me the time to work on why you follow me. Many of you are looking forward to my next release, and have written me asking when, et.all. How cool is that? Anyway, with summer approaching, I must decide between blogging and writing. I think writing is going to win every time.
Just a quick note to everyone. Since my last post, I’ve been very busy, mostly with family and friends. However, I’m now back, at least in spirit. My body is straining to keep up with my desires. That is, writing and keeping up with my friends and followers, all the stuff that makes my life worthwhile.
That said, since my return to work yesterday, I am mentally drained. Yes, that’s right, I’ve been off since last Thursday afternoon. At my job, I am responsible for various applications that are widely used within my client base. After testing several weeks ago an upgrade to this platform, I figured updating it yesterday would be a no-brainer. Over and done with, easy. Right? How wrong I was.
Instead of taking a total of three hours to implement and then another three hours to test, two days later, I’m still working on it. I figure I will complete the project tomorrow but one thing I do know, I will be calling the vendor once again. Yep, before I left today, I discovered something wrong that needs to be fixed before I can put the ‘DONE’ stamp on the project.
Yes, I know you probably don’t care about my concerns at work. However, it is affecting my ability to write and chat with you, my followers. When I got home yesterday, I felt so drained that it took a couple of scotches, dinner, and time in the hot tub before I felt a bit more relaxed. Early to bed and I slept the entire night, right through to the morning alarm. Great, as normally I’m up once or twice a night, and not for a trip to the head.
So why did I feel unrested as I got ready for work? And now after my shift and I’m home, I feel almost as bad as yesterday. I am once again, mentally drained, which makes me feel physically wiped out. “Hey, where’s that glass of scotch?” Or should I open a bottle of wine? Either way, something smooth will soon be passing across my tongue to chill out.
What does this all mean to my writing? Well, as it so happens, I’ve done little, and I’m stressing over it. Yet, I’m so mentally drained, I can’t seem to pick up where I left off. Sorry, everyone. I’m working hard, and I appreciate your patience.
So, I’m off to find a bit of downtime. I appreciate all that every one of you has done for me. A new exciting book will soon be released, and I’ve got another nearly ready to turn over to the editors. With notes on several story lines in the works, I need to get going.
In my last article, I wrote about how I come up with my ideas for my books. I received several comments from people who read my books. I found them interesting.
The first comment comes from a reader who read my first book, ‘The Taste of Honey.’ At the time, this reader wrote me and, if I recall correctly, told me she had a hard time with the story. She considered herself to be a traditional, conservative person and didn’t read all that much. However, a friend turned her onto the book and while struggling with the storyline, discovered an underlying unexpected love story that she loved. It turned her around, and she eventually wrote a compelling five-star review.
The following is what I received in response to the article.
“I found it insightful as well as a confirmation of what I already felt in my heart was the way you find your inspirations. I’ve always believed you to be intelligent and extremely creative. It’s nice to see you finding the right outlet for that creativity (of which you do so well!).” jb
Apparently, she knows me well, and yes, I am acquainted with this person.
Another reader sent me this comment.
“It’s hard to understand how you can write that in such detail and emotion. And, not wonder about you. […] After reading your statements and seeing that your girlfriend felt the same way, I think I feel much better. Maybe, lol.” gd
I am only just becoming acquainted with this reader, having recently received several comments and messages regarding my ‘Her Client’ trilogy. After reading the first book, she contacted with a note indicating how much she liked it. After reading the second book, I received a second comment expressing the need “… to think about this one?” implying that the story might have been a bit over the top for her. [No surprise. This book is intentionally horrific and deals with the real monsters among us.] Her followup to this comment to this book inspired me to write my previous article. The last I heard, the reader was just starting the third book, ‘Her Essentia.’ I have little doubt that she will send me an additional note.
Interestingly enough, the ‘Her Client’ books are my best sellers. I never expected that to happen. As a result, those are the kinds of books I will continue to focus on as I write.
I received many comments on the article. I hope it helps you understand where I am coming from and where I am going. My stories don’t come from personal experiences. Rather, they come from observation and wondering, “what if …”.
That’s how my latest book, ‘The Trafficking Consortium’ came to life. I was at my doctor’s office and as I sat in the waiting room, wondered “what if someone behind the counter and sent the medical history of a patient to someone who had no right to the file?” From there, the pieces just fell into place, and Avril’s story came to life.
Then there’s ‘The Breakup’, a story about what a woman hopes will happen on a date of dinner and dancing. My ‘what if’ revolved around the word, dancing. “What was his definition of dancing?” Ginny is about to find out. The question is, will she be happy about it?
Overall, I don’t really know what to say. If you, my current and new followers, continue to read my books, what am I going to do but keep writing new ones that tickle your fancy and your emotions? I have notes on several ideas for future stories. Stay tuned.
Oh, and I almost forgot. I finally finished putting together my online art gallery. It’s called ‘maggicalExpressions.’ Links to it are on my book site.
Yes, that’s correct. I paint and draw when I need to disappear. Oh, yes, that’s what I do when I write. Well, it’s a different kind of medium, and I enjoy it. I hope you like them.
It’s a nice day today, blue sky, and lots of sun. I’m going to work on my book most of the day, and then I’m going to a party tonight. I can’t wait. It’s a themed party sponsored by a social club I belong to. It’s been way too long since I’ve attended one. I’m looking forward to it.
Yesterday, I received this intriguing comment from one of my readers. My life partner girlfriend also wants to know the answer to this question. She cringes at many of my stories. As many times as I try to satisfy her with a reply, sooner or later, she brings it up once again. I figure everyone of my readers is thinking the same thing. So I thought I would give it a stab and try to answer the question.
The reader asked the following question.
“Just finished the 2nd book. [‘Her Overseer,’ book 2 in the ‘Her Client’ trilogy] and I need time to think about this one? Guess my question is how do you think of these things in such detail? It was pretty gruesome. Are there things you write about that you’ve done or want to do? Just wondering.”
The book, ‘Her Overseer’ is gruesome. It is brutal and graphic. It is the second part of a three-part story within the ‘Her Client’ trilogy. There is a twist in book 3, ‘Her Essentia’ which I think readers will enjoy. My girlfriend cringed reading the first two books, but by hanging in there, she found redemption in the third book.
Frankly, I don’t know how I think up these scenes and describe them in such detail. They just appear in my head as I write them. To me, it is a natural progression of the story that seems obvious as I write.
I’ve been an avid reader all my life. From a young age, I’ve always been interested in mystery/suspense and true crime novels. Later I added science fiction to the list. The more fantastic the story, the more out there the characters behaved, the more I liked it. However, I’m not referring to fantasy stories such as depicted in today’s graphic novels and the like. I like realistic stories that are plausible and could happen in real life. Some of my favorite books from my early years included the true crimes of the FBI, which depicted the thoughts and reasonings of characters on both sides of the law.
Today’s Challenge
My paintings and drawings reflect a naturalistic world. I love realism in my creative works. I don’t do abstract or fantastical creatures, such as depicted in much of today’s art. The one exception would be my love of mermaids.
But fantastic creatures that nature could not possibly develop on this planet through natural selection … no.
I also believe in monsters. Not the kind thought up by the creative minds of scary movie, no, I mean the human kind of monster. The kind that actually exists.
I write what I believe could naturally occur, here on earth, by humans. Nature is uncaring and brutal. Sharks and other predators don’t care about the feelings of their prey. They kill and eat what they want and move on. Orca whales have been observed playing with and tormenting their prey before killing them. From the lowliest of life on earth to the king of the jungle, this is how nature developed life on our planet.
All humans have this drive built into our DNA. Societal norms try to adjust us to not act upon our baser instincts but we all let it out, at some time or another. A husband beating his wife to belting a misbehaving child when a simple spank of the hand would do, are just two examples of human instincts struggling for release. I could list thousands of examples supporting my belief. Fortunately, most of us suppress this impulse as best as we can.
My stories delve into the realm of humans who drop their shields and let out their baser instincts. My monsters are real, and I have little doubt that the monsters depicted in the ‘Her Client’ trilogy, are real and they exist. They hide and stay out of the limelight, but they exist. In the real world, a rare few are discovered and make the news, but I believe that the known monsters are a small percentage of the total out there. No one can convince me otherwise. My scenes are gruesome and describe a realistic interpretation of the human monster hiding in all of us.
As to the reader’s follow-up question, no I don’t write about what I’ve done, nor what I want to do. Like 99.99999% of the population, I suppress my inner instincts in everyday life. However, I will grant you, that perhaps it is possible, that as I write, I allow a tiny fraction of my basic human suppressed instinct out, enabling me to write in such detail.
I’ve been told that writers write what they know. I don’t believe this. Look at Stephen King’s novels. Do you really think he did all that he wrote about? Do you think he thinks about really doing it? I doubt it. Do I wish I could actually do what I write about in my scenes? Definitely not. I’m a pacifist at heart. It’s all in my imagination, knowing full well that these monsters do exist.
On thing I discovered in my writing journey is that I like to write from the character’s point of view, rather than a third party, observers point of view. I like to write what the characters think and feel. At times I will bounce from the protagonist’s point of view to the antagonist’s point of view and back again. I find it interesting to reveal their thoughts and ideas. I like to expose their emotions of surprise, love, lust, anger, fear, rage, bloodthirst, relief and revenge as the scene develops.
In ‘The Taste of Honey,’ I wrote a scene where one of my main characters goes through an ordeal of her own choice. She is offered many opportunities to avoid the tribulation. Yet, she chose to go through the ordeal, knowing she would die in the end. All because she loves her family more than she loves herself.
I wrote the scene from her viewpoint. I tried to capture her every thought, fear, and desire she experiences. I tried to capture everything she endures, moment by moment, from her point of view. I attempted to convey all of her senses; taste, touch, sight, sound, and smell; as she lived and died throughout her ordeal. I believe I was successful and again, all from the characters point of view.
Just know that not all of my books are gruesome. My free short story, ‘A Mermaid’s Irresistible Curiosity’ is a love story with a twist. It’s not gruesome nor brutal. It’s a story about a misguided mermaid who lives a life of instant gratification who falls in love with a fisherman. You can find the short story on my website, RichardVerry.com. It free and you can download it and read it at any time.
I hope that this explains the question and alleviates any concerns about my writing. More importantly, I hope this explains things to the love of my life, my girlfriend, and committed partner in love and life.
Well, it looks like we’re having a breather from back-to-back storms. The sun is out. The sky is blue. Nice!
Which brings me to this question?
If you were affected by the storms this past week or just one of the storms, what did you do? Did you stay in, like I did? Were you considered essential and went to work? Even if you were not, did you go anyway? If you stayed home, what did you do? Did you read a good book, catch up on the laundry, or bake up a storm? Was it too cold to go out or were you eager to hit the slopes?
Really, I want to know. Please share with me. Send me a note, comment, or email. I’d love to read them and I promise to respond to as many as I can.
I will tell you, I was bored. I hate sitting around in front of a TV. Which is why, when I do, I tend to have a computer on my lap, or my smartphone in my hand. I was bored, no two ways about it.
So, I worked on small projects around the house that I’ve not been able to do since my concussion. Whoopee! It means, despite my constant headache, I’m functional to a degree. I have restrictions, to be sure, but I’m able to hang a picture on the wall, clean out the garage, or work on setting up my studio. Nice!
Now I’m ready to begin setting my studio in earnest. I have grand ideas on just how to do it, and when I’m done, it’ll be so cool. I can’t wait. I also worked hard on finishing up and making ready for publishing my new book, ‘The Trafficking Consortium.’ One day, I really need to stop trying to polish it. But every time I pick it up and review it, I tweak this line, this word, or this scene. I’ve got to stop. I promise. As soon as I finish this go around, I’m sending it off for publication.
So, in the meantime, I look forward to reading your replies, and commenting back when appropriate.
If you have been reading my last few articles, you know that a lot has happened in my town, county, and my state. Last week, we suffered a wind storm of sustained 80+ mph winds that lasted for hours. It started at around 2 pm and was still raging after I went to bed that night. It’s no surprise that I didn’t sleep that well that night. By the weekend, local law enforcement reported 6 people died as a result of the wind storm.
Now, just as we are recovering from that storm, yesterday, once again, two massive weather patterns decided that the north-eastern US was ready for another clash. Guess who is stuck in the middle? You got it, I am. That is my part of the state. While the northeaster ravaged the coastal states with blizzard and blizzard-like conditions, I don’t live in that area. I’m about 500 miles west of the coast, right where the northeaster storm decided to interact with the arctic storm coming down over Canada.
My local international airport closed, shutting down all flights into and out of my area. Officially, as of this moment, the airport has so far recorded 22.2 inches of snowfall, and it’s still coming down. Wind is a problem. The snow that is falling, is falling almost sideways. While there is a patch of ground next to my house where I can see the grass, in other area, the drifting snow is the real problem. Roads are still snow covered, despite the highway department doing an awesome job in plowing the highways. Even some of the large massive plows have slipped off the roadways and ended up overturned in ditches. It’s scary, and I’m staying put.
My girlfriend’s daughter is stuck in Hamburg Germany waiting for a break in the weather and return home. The news tells us that things should break around midnight, and by tomorrow, we should be able to get back to what constitutes normal for my region of the country. Yes, you get that right, it’s still snowing and they are estimating another foot of snow before it ends tonight. What progress made to keep the roads and driveways cleared last night must be repeated all over again.
The replacement hot tub cover that I bought after the windstorm now has more than three feet of snow on it. Thankfully, I was able to get a cover as I doubt the plywood and tarp I used temporarily would have survived the snow.
But you know what? I’m healthy. I’m strong. I’m warm and safe. There is a lot to be said for that. I know that there are thousands of homeless, hanging out in shelters and abandoned underground subway tunnels trying to keep warm in temperatures approaching 0 degrees F. I feel for them. There was a time, almost two decades ago, that I might have been one of them. Providence, luck and perseverance helped prevent that from happening, though I believe luck was the most significant portion of that. Thank you Lercher for being in the right place and the right time to pull my ass out of the fire.
In the meantime, I am working on cleaning up before publishing my latest book, ‘The Trafficking Consortium’ and getting back to writing anew. I’ve got my cup of hot coffee to warm me as I stare out the window, and see mostly white snow. Cheers.
Have a great day and a better tomorrow.
Oh, and have a cup of your favorite beverage on me.
Do you remember what happens when you bite into an ice cream sandwich where the ice cream is a bit soft? As your teeth bear down on the confection, the ice cream tends to squeeze out the sides, almost as if resisting before succumbing to consumption by a determined hunger.
That’s how I feel right now. Last week, we endured the wrath of the titans as two weather fronts converged over major portions of the state, wreaking havoc in its path, ripping trees from the ground, and tearing off roofs of unsuspecting homeowners. Just as things are beginning to settle down, two more weather fronts are converging, this time whipping snow in near blizzard-like conditions. What is this, revenge of the titans? Who says climate change isn’t a real thing?
So, I guess I have to hunker down and make the best of it, stay inside and read a good book. Do you know of any? I’ve got a suggestion. Check out the ones offered right here on my site. They’ll warm you up, as a chill runs up your spine.